Rayzor Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 leave it to a Manitoban to explain politics with cows! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floydaholic Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 I heard that before in my history class. I thought it was very interesting, and it really does help you understanf those terms a bit better!!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foolonthehill Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 haha pretty shallow view of politics...but I liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 1. THINGY (THING-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (VUL-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-KAY-shun) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-MIT-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-TAYN-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (FLATCH-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.! Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-MOHT kon-TROHL) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 I like "thingy" the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulGirl Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 me too! very funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 (edited) I think this has been posted before on this thread. If so, sorry for the repeat, but: THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY After their 19th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. He went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherrybomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.' The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.' 'Trust me,' said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count... '1' '2' '3' '4' '5' At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri and West Virginia. Edited June 13, 2007 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 ha ha...cherrybombs.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Anniversary!" I fainted!!!!! Loved this one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 ^Heh heh heh. Nothing beats a good fart joke. BBQ RULES We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: ROUTINE... (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. Here comes the important part: (4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. MORE ROUTINE.... (5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation. Important again: (7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. MORE ROUTINE.... (8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: (10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 I am so printing that out and stapling it to Mr. Peaches' forehead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams. Then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams again; likewise she pushes on her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream in agony. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted June 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 WOMAN'S POEM > > > Before I lay me down to sleep, > I pray for a man who's not a creep, > One who's handsome, smart and strong. > One who loves to listen long, > One who thinks before he speaks, > One who'll call, not wait for weeks. > I pray he's gainfully employed, > When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. > Pulls out my chair and opens my door, > Massages my back and begs to do more. > Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, > Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" > I pray that this man will love me to no end, > And always be my very best friend. > > > MAN'S POEM > > I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs > who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This > doesn't rhyme and I don't give a s**t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 ^^ Too true!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 say it isn't so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted June 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 it ain't so, ji but it works as a cliché... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 What would I want with a golf course? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted June 25, 2007 Report Share Posted June 25, 2007 OK, maybe a soccer or rugby field? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floydaholic Posted June 30, 2007 Report Share Posted June 30, 2007 Q: What does a blonde suicide bomber do??. A: Practise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted July 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 newest comic on "Cyanide & Happiness" I feel so elitist you may call me a 'geek' now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted July 15, 2007 Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 okay... ^GEEK^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted July 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 and it only took about a week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now