Lea Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us." Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening. The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.... NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 ^Gotcha ! We were trying to catch the first red-neck that wood git that ! Marc ! She's all yours - and the evidence is all filed above ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 Kev, did you hear that a world renowned scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their forum posts with their hand on the mouse? Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonJonSurfer Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The judge says to Mickey, "I see here you claim your wife is crazy. That isn't grounds for divorce." Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f__kin' Goofy." Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 ... any doubt as to why he's last in baseball see above - at your peril , mind you ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonJonSurfer Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 ... any doubt as to why he's last in baseball see above - at your peril , mind you ! I love that stupid joke....is it too risque for this thread?....I won't be offended if it gets deleted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The judge says to Mickey, "I see here you claim your wife is crazy. That isn't grounds for divorce." Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f__kin' Goofy." Thank you. I love that stupid joke.... I love stupid jokes too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN I still dun't git it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 Sammi, Sammi, Sammi Small cave = Indian maiden waiting for young Indian brave. The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening. Huge Opening = train tunnel where trains come out and run over moronic hillbillies You don't know many hillbillies do ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hyeh, heyh, hyeh, that IS funny. Hey, wait a minit! Thet's ma family yer talkin' 'bout! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Hyeh, Hey, wait a minit! Thet's ma family yer talkin' 'bout! Mine to I'm a direct descendant of the famous McCoy's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted September 1, 2008 Report Share Posted September 1, 2008 A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian from New Jersey fumed, 'What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!' The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!' The Chinese businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'!!! The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.' 'Excuse me, Sir! Said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.' The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my Ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.' The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters Union in honor of these brave souls'!! The Italian from New Jersey said, 'Why can't they freaking play at night?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted September 2, 2008 Report Share Posted September 2, 2008 Here's A Nutty Joke Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted September 4, 2008 Report Share Posted September 4, 2008 Hope this isn't a repeat here: Actual Radio Conversation This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted September 5, 2008 Report Share Posted September 5, 2008 A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, it is 3:00 in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers. Did you help him?' she asks. No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!' 'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!' The man does as he is told, gets dressed , and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes,' comes back the answer. 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband. Yes, please!'comes the reply from the dark. 'Where are you?' asks the husband. Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted September 6, 2008 Report Share Posted September 6, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted September 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 ... A swing is the first thing I thought of when he said 'push' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 I forwarded that joke to all my English speaking friends as soon as I read it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLizard Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 ... A swing is the first thing I thought of when he said 'push' Yeah, me too. Guess that takes a bit out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foolonthehill Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 yeah same here. most people would explain that their car broke down if they needed help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarcM Posted September 8, 2008 Report Share Posted September 8, 2008 Do you have what it takes to be a Wal-Mart greeter? A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?' 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindCrime Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Great comeback. We had a neighbor who used to scream at his kids and use obscenities at them. My wish was to hear the kids scream them back at him someday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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