Jump to content

Random Lists of Random Things


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 782
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Both the thread and the post are gone. I'm looking for the info I posted. I'll find it somewhere. Until then guys, I'm afraid we'll just have to accept the following:

The Rules...

** The female always make the rules.

** The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

** No male can possibly know all the rules.

** If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

** The female is never wrong.

** If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

** The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

** The female may change her mind at any time.

** The male must never change his mind without the express written concent of the female.

** The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

** The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

** The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

** The male is expected to mind read at all times.

** The female is ready when she is ready.

** The male must be ready at all times.

** Any male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

That's just the way it is....for now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Top Ten Signs You've Been Watching Too Much College Basketball

Late Night with David Letterman

10] To get in the mood, you ask your wife to dress like Billy Packer.

9] Human resources asks you to stop handchecking co-workers.

8] When announcer says Butler guard A.J. Graves averages 2.4 rebounds per game, you mutter, "It's 2.3, moron".

7] Recently hired a guy to mop up your sweat.

6] Your kids are seeded according to how much you love them.

5] In honor of Texas A&M, you name your triplets "A," "M," and "Ampersand".

4] Checked into rehab to kick $500-a-day "nacho cheese" habit.

3] In a pinch, you ask, "What would UNLV assistant coach Greg Grensing do?".

2] The nagging voice in your head saying, "Cheney and I should really be focusing on Iraq"

1] Difficult to tell where your ass ends and the couch begins

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5 weeks later...

[big]15 common American prejudices about Germans - True or not?[/big]

From all your answers to my call for prejudices about Germans I have collected the 15 most common. I’ll talk about them in detail and tell you whether I think they are right or wrong. Oh, and when I say “we†I mean “Germans like myselfâ€. I don’t know every German and as in every generalization there are exceptions.

Dead on:

- Germans are obsessed with soccer.

We are. And no matter how often you tell us that we’re wrong - we’ll always call it “Fußballâ€. The French call it “Footballâ€, as do the British. In fact, I can only think of one country that thinks “football†would be a good name for a sport, where people throw a ball and carry it around in their hands.

- Germans build great cars.

No need to argue this one, I think. Volkswagen builds cars for the masses, Mercedes, BMW, Audi & Porsche show what can be done when the price isn’t that important. Engineering is one of the two things we’re famous for, and rightfully so.

- Germans are inflexible.

This was the most commonly mentioned prejudice, and unfortunately you are right. And it is true in every imaginable way. We don’t move for a new job as often as you do, we don’t adapt ourselves to new situations as easily as you do - yes, we lack flexibility.

- Make great beer & drink a lot of it.

Ah, the other thing we’re famous for. We’re not the country with the highest per capita beer consumption. That’s the Czech Republic, followed by Ireland (map from 2004). But it’s true, Germans (Yours truly being one of the exceptions) drink a lot of beer. And German beer is good. Probably because of the “Reinheitsgebot†(purity requirement).

- Germans are insecure about their history and have no national pride.

You can read how I feel about national pride here. As for the insecurity - you’re totally right. Can you blame us? We have a rich and interesting history, no doubt about that. But thanks to the idiocy of our grandparents’ and great-grandparents’ generation - Yes, we are insecure, and we will be for a long, long time.

Depends:

- Germans are rude & boorish.

That depends on age/location/occasion. I can surely understand this prejudice. Worst Case: Middle-aged men on vacation on Majorca (Spain). Majorca is sometimes referred to as the 17th federal state of Germany. Some parts of that island are like a year-around spring break. Only with beer-bellied German guys in their 30’s instead of young students (Okay, I’ve never been there. I only know it from tales and TV. My own little prejudice).

- Germans love kinky, naughty sex.

Uhm, we do? This prejudice caught me by surprise. We’re more open about sex, I know, but kinky? Are you sure you’re not mistaking “Deutsch†for “Dutch�

- Germans have a stone-age attitude towards women.

The older the guy is, you’re talking about, the better your chances are of being right. Unfortunately the persons in charge of human resources are mostly not young enough. Yet.

- Germans like rules and follow them.

Oh yes. Cross a street when your lights are red, and you will hear an old lady tell you to behave yourself. And when old men are bored, they run around the neighborhood and take notes on who is parking wrongly. Again, the magic word is: Old.

- Germans are extremely efficient.

Well, kinda. It’s true that we can get things done quickly and professionally. But only if it is thoroughly planned. Hey, we have to be efficient. We need to get the same stuff done as you, and we don’t work as many hours.

Bogus:

- Germans are all anti-semites, xenophobic and/or Nazis!

And I’m not gonna list what other words I’ve read in some mails. Of course we have our racist idiots, but who hasn’t? In regions with high unemployment rate you have more, in regions that do better, you have less of them. Yes, it is a shame that these people are what they are. At least ours don’t wear stupid robes.

- Germans have no humor.

They do. Okay, my favorite comedians are all American (Carlin, Leary, Hicks, Maher & Black), but there are some good ones in Germany and we have a long history of fine political cabaret. If you don’t understand German humor, maybe it’s because of the language (thanks to kirun for the link). German is to exact for a lot of the wordplay you can do in English.

- Germans are cold natured.

We are definitely not. But we are careful. When we meet someone for the first time, we tend to act reserved, seemingly reluctant. Maybe that comes across as cold. But once we warm up to someone, we are just as much fun to be around as anyone. And this reserve also has an advantage: When a German calls you a friend, you can be sure that he’s not just saying it to be polite.

- Germans make the worst music in the world.

Nope. “Schlager†and “Volksmusik†are painful to the ears - I’d never call that music. Apart from that, there are some really good bands in Germany. For Punk/Rock you could try “Die Aerzteâ€, “Die toten Hosenâ€, Wizo or Rammstein (of course). If your into Hiphop give Seed a try (I don’t like Hiphop, but them I actually like). There are a lot of other good bands. Maybe I should write an extra post about German music.

Which brings us to the meanest, the most offensive, hurtful and unbearable prejudice of them all. And I’m afraid we will have to live with it until the day Conan O’Brien retires:

- Germans love David Hasselhoff

No one does! I know he has an alcohol problem, but that doesn’t qualify him as a German hero. We don’t like his singing, we don’t like his acting. And he hasn’t brought down the Berlin Wall, no matter what his rotten brain makes him believe.

Okay, that have been my comments on your 15 most common prejudices. Any comments or questions? Let

me know.

Link

Link to post
Share on other sites

and for the other side he also wrote a list:

[big]10 common German prejudices about the USA[/big]

Whenever people talk about the USA, it doesn’t take long until you hear sentences that start with “That’s typical. Americans are all…â€. Well, what are you? I’ve asked around, talked to people and this is a list of the 10 prejudices I’ve heard most often.

- Americans are extremely superficial.

I tend to blame this on the celebrity culture on both sides. I hear that superstition a lot, but I can’t really see us Germans being different. Yes, I guess you are superficial, but so are we.

- What’s with all the fast food?

The biggest fast food chains in Germany: McDonald’s & Burger King. Of course there are also some Subways, KFC and Pizza Huts. When we think fast food, we think America. And to be honest: I think Americans DO eat more fast food, although I have never heard of a decent Doener Kebap in the US. That’s Germany’s favorite fast food.

- You like to watch how people die, but not how they are made.

This is one of my prejudices about the US. After the “Janet Jackson incident†at the Superbowl, I got an IM from an American. It went something like this: He: “You wouldn’t believe what happened. JJ’s tit fell out. I could totally see it!†Me: “So?â€. On the other hand you have no problem with violence in movies. That’s where I’m some kind of wuss. What can I say? I’m more of a productive type ;).

- Americans are war mongers.

Sorry, but you’ll have to live with this prejudice. Foreigners will always judge you by the actions of you government. I don’t know anyone personally who voted for Bushes second term. But if you did, let me use this opportunity to say: You f'ed up!

- Beer will kill you, guns won’t.

Minimum age to drive: 16. To own a gun: 18 (depends on state, I know). To drink a beer: 21. Uhm, do I need to explain, why this sounds a little bit weird to a German?

- Go to America and you’re gonna get killed.

It’s easy to understand why people think that. News about violence simply sell better than a documentary about neighbors hugging each other. In 1993 there was a series of murders in Miami. A couple of German tourists were killed in carnappings, if I remember correctly. Even 14 years later, people still remember that. It seems that fear has got a long lasting durability.

- Americans are religious nutjobs.

Jesus Camp, no premarital sex, “I don’t believe in evolutionâ€, homophobia, a president who believes to have dialogs with god - Again, I have never met anyone personally who shows symptoms like that. I don’t think that many Americans are such religious nutjobs, but if you meet a German with this prejudice, don’t be too hard on him. Stuff like that is really hard to comprehend.

- Americans don’t give a ******* about their poor people.

In Germany everyone is entitled to certain benefits. If you can’t afford a place to stay, clothes to wear, food to eat, health care, you get help. That’s how we believe it should be, and we pay a load of money for it. You get a lot more help than in the US. Some Germans see that and think of the US as a country where no one cares about the poor. In Germany we don’t have your culture of voluntary work or public service.

- Everything needs to be XXL (houses, cars, refrigerators, Burgers, breast implants,…).

Okay, this is more of an observation than a prejudice. What do you need SUVs for? The place? Don’t you have station wagons? And who needs these huge fridges? And who eats this gigantic portions at your restaurants? Hey, I am fat, and even I don’t need that much. Seriously, could someone explain that to me?

- Americans are a bunch of self-centered ignorant people.

I wouldn’t say it that harsh, but self-centered? Yes, I think so. Your news, no matter what medium, concentrate a lot more on your own issues than the news in other countries. It’s easy to get the impression that you simply don’t care about the rest of the world. Although from my own experience, I got a totally different impression of the Americans I’ve met (on- and offline).

Okay, take a deep breath and calm down. It’s over. After compiling this list, I’ve become curious about the way you Americans see us Germans. So, I’d like you to tell me, what your prejudices are about us. Take your time and tell me what you think about Germany and why. The more, the better. Leave it in the comments, use the contact form or send me an email. I’d be happy to hear from you.

Link

Link to post
Share on other sites

In fact, I can only think of one country that thinks “football†would be a good name for a sport, where people throw a ball and carry it around in their hands.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Of course we have our racist idiots, but who hasn’t?... At least ours don’t wear stupid robes.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ohh Martin! I'll have to read and think about these lists more when I have a little more time. Very thought provoking, I like this! Off the top of my head though, I have to say I don't think I have many prejudices against Germans. Maybe misconceptions. That probably stems from the fact that I am of German descent! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Very thought provoking, Martin. I hope you understand why I will not take part in a discussion about such sensitive stuff (to some people) on the internet. I would rather do it in person since I do not like typing long replies. Seems too much like what I have to do at work. I do like to read what others think about us, though. I have heard all of the generalities for both Germans and Americans in the past.

Link to post
Share on other sites

In fact, I can only think of one country that thinks “football†would be a good name for a sport, where people throw a ball and carry it around in their hands.

Whoever wrote this obviously knows little about Australian sport. We have at least four codes of football where the ball is carried around in the hands (Australian Rules Football, International Rules Football, Rugby League and Rugby Union). :grin:

Great lists Martin. :bow:

Edited by Guest
Link to post
Share on other sites

I like this !

Canadian / American perceptions and misconceptions :

1. Americans are gun toting idiots : Largely false , as most Americans , at no time that you encounter them will either be carrying a gun nor wish that they had one at that particular time . It is however , true that many have one at home -just in case . The large numbers , however account for those who often own multiple guns and make the average seem askew .

2. Canada is safe : Relative - and common sense , as in any place will tell you where you are and are not . Canadians do like a punch up , and knives or guns ( very rare ) , unfortunately , may still appear in the worst of cases . Your chances though , of them being used beyond a mere threat are lower , however .

3. Canadians are friendly : this is a fact , as just about any Canadian is willing to engage you in a conversation if you initiate one ( they are a bit reserved ) . However , so are most Americans .

4. Americans are somewhat area specific when first engaged in conversation : I've found this to be true in many cases . Mid-Westerners , Southerners and Western people are the easiest to engage in conversation , while East Coast Americans seem more hesitant to engage with you until they've sized up where you are from and how much lower on the social strata it is compared to where they come from .

5. LA is a crime ridden hole full of false personalities and con men/ women of the worst sort : True. God bless you , Marc . Florida is no better in this respect .

6. Canadian Beer is better than American beer : Again true , and though it will receive loud ravings to the contrary , most US drinkers know this to be a fact .

7. America has a better system of government and free enterprise than Canada : Definately true . If you are an entrprenuer with a good idea - go South for God's sake - you'll more likely make a killing . Canada will tax you to death and offer every governmental impediment to your success that it can . Many items are not available or taxed beyond reason so that buying them makes you feel like a fool ( or an extremely rich person ) . You can also likely buy nearly anything for sale in the world somewhere or somehow in the US - except Cuban cigars or rum .

Also , when all is working well , the US governmental system is far more efficient and logical than our paternalistic parliamentary system which gets bogged down in debate , another debate , yet another debate , and then , perhaps , an election .

8. The American 'Dream ' exists : False . The key word here is dream . Wealth and success has made far more Americans unhappy and bitter and stressed out than the many more average families getting by but doing ther best , but enjoying their lives as they do so . Canadians , for the most part , are stuck with this situation , but it doesn't seem to bother most of us . Infact , big success in Canada is usually greeted with scorn and contmpt ( partially from envy ) . It is not encouraged . those who do ' make it big ' often find that fleeing to the US is thier best option in order to expand and develope their fame and wealth . America is often crueller to it's less fortunates financially , but in Canada , the wealthier naturally resent being taxed to ' help bums ' . Ironically , though , the most advanced and leading medicines and treatments for anything often appear first in the US - but they are not placed in the hands of those who do not have the cash . We consider this unCanadian when such treatments are available in our country , though they are still relatively costly - but one can't be denied it .

9 . The best places to visit in both the US and Canada are the smaller , less popular cities and communities - the countryside if you like , rather than the major cities . It is here that the REAL people live and you will enjoy the charm , beauty and friendliness ( and great food ! ) of those places - though not the great galleries , museums , buildings, monuments , and other tourist attractions if that is what you are after .

10 . The Us is ' law-happy ' : True . Your odds of being sued or being held responsible for some type of neglect are much higher in the US . Find a good and reasonably priced lawyer as soon as you can . Canadians tend to try and work things out amongst themselves first ( and will often let it be if no real harm was done ) , with a cop around second , and failing all that - go to court as a last resort .

Link to post
Share on other sites

Random list:

Murphy's Laws of Combat

You are not Superman.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

Odd or conspicuous objects attract fire. Never lurk behind one.

Armored vehicles are bullet magnets.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Tracers work both ways.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

Avoid loud noises; there are few silent killers in a combat zone.

One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

Try to look unimportant. The enemy may be low on ammo.

When in doubt, empty your magazine. Ammo is cheap; your life isn't.

It is physically impossible to carry too much ammo.

Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

The important things are always simple.

The simple things are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

You can win without fighting, but it's a lot tougher to do. And the enemy may not cooperate.

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.

Every man has a scheme that will not work.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Everything goes wrong at once.

Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is the main attack.

When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.

If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.

If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back to regroup.

After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

If you make it too tough for the enemy to get in, you can't get out.

Nothing ever goes away.

No matter which way you have to march, it's always uphill.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...