Jump to content

The Jokes Thread - Relaunched


Farin
 Share

Recommended Posts

What's the punchline? :confused:

When Muhammed Ali turned George Foreman into a "mummy"

A nickel surely turned into a quarter even without a sun-dial or Mike Tyson.

Now, if that's not a "punch" then please, step back behind the yellow "line."

(Sweet Laurie already answered this fascinating two-coined riddle a few posts ago)

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chutzpah...not just a Songfactor

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, no other word, and no other language, can do it justice. The following example is better than a thousand words...

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

Without blinking an eye she said:

"They're 35 cents now."

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

See? that's what bothers me... this joke was there for days but as I have no time for the boards now so I might have missed it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chutzpah...not just a Songfactor

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, no other word, and no other language, can do it justice. The following example is better than a thousand words...

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

Without blinking an eye she said:

"They're 35 cents now."

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

See? that's what bothers me... this joke was there for days but as I have no time for the boards now I might have missed it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Perhaps a little punctuation and slighty different verbiage would help?

A priest is walking on a downtown street, when a prostitute walks up and offers, "I'll give you a half and half for fifty bucks."

The priest keeps walking. He sees a nun and asks her, "What's a 'half and half'?"

The nun replies, "It's fifty bucks, same as it is downtown."

------------------------

Personally, I like the original version better. :laughing:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.

2 days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two day's later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday.

Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said "Guess Who?"

I pulled her hands off my eyes, and she was wearing a brand new see through nighty.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.

The room had candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said,"Do what ever you want." So Here I Am"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Three friends married women from different parts of the United States.

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and the dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Minnesota. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he still didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

:afro: :afro: :afro: :jester: :jester:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:laugh: this guy buys a new car and can't figure out how to turn on the radio...Brings it back to the salesman who tells him...just say the band or a song and it plays...He drives down the street and says "Beatles"...on comes Hey Jude...he says "Nelson" and the car asks...Willie or Ricky? He drives everywhere just picking out songs and artists...when someone cuts him off,hits the brakes and takes off...He screams out A$$hole... and the radio says... Ladies and Gentlemen... the president of the United States...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 guys are walking through a forest...when all of the sudden they see a big hole in the ground... they both look in and see they can't see the bottom...they ask each other...How deep do you think it is? Both respond...Don't know...One of them sees a transmission and says...Let's toss this in and listen...they throw it in the hole... all of the sudden they hear alot of noise...bushes and trees moving around...then a goat dives in...head first into the hole...they both look in...and look at each other like ...What the hell?

A few minutes later a farmer comes along and asks...Anybody seen my goat? These 2 guys tell him about all the noise and the goat going head first into the hole... The farmer replies... that's impossible I had him hooked to a transmission

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...