Farin Posted April 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 computer jokes awsum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 I don't get'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 Sorie They're just saying computers are silly and all Operating Systems are silly and the world would be a better place without them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 S'ok. all jokes can't be meaningful to all people. Once- this is going back a long way, this is- I was in the darkened corner of a disco, getting a bit fruity with a bird I'd just met. I was risking an "above-the-knee caress", when she took me by surprise, by asking me if I'd like to have my palms read. "Why? Are you clairvoyant?" I asked. "No" she replied. "It's my time of the month". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindCrime Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted April 7, 2009 Report Share Posted April 7, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted April 7, 2009 Report Share Posted April 7, 2009 I am laughing so hard it hurts!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted April 7, 2009 Report Share Posted April 7, 2009 Love them Little Dirty Johnny Jokes....I use to know quite a few of them.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted April 8, 2009 Report Share Posted April 8, 2009 The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusally fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff. "It's my direct line to the Lord." The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him. After hanging up the Rabbi says, "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges." The Pope, of course, refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in. He checks the counter on the phone and says, "All right! The charges were 100,000 Lira" ($56). The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over the payment. A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In The the Chief Rabbi's chambers, he sees a phone identical to his and learns it is also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Rabbi's phone. The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Pope chats away. After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges. Of course, the Chief Rabbi refuses to accept payment. After the Pope insists, the Rabbi relents and looks on the phone counter.Shekel 50" ($0.42). The Pope looks surprised, "Why so cheap?" The Rabbi smiles, "Local call." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted April 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2009 that's a good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted April 8, 2009 Report Share Posted April 8, 2009 A friend from California sent me this. You know you're from California if: 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember . . Is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember . . . Is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal? 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 17. HEY! Is pot illegal? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons. 19. The Terminator is your governor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindCrime Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 A husband was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. He has been missing since Friday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindCrime Posted April 14, 2009 Report Share Posted April 14, 2009 A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Buddy and Edna and Fifty Bucks Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,And every year Buddy would say, 'Edna,I'd like to ride in that helicopter'. Edna always replied, 'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'. One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, 'Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'. To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'. The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.' Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Buddy replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know, "fifty bucks is fifty bucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindCrime Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted April 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Why I oughta..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Uhhh...I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 I didn't fall for it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindCrime Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 I almost posted a question asking for the link, because it wouldn't work for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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