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Bad/Funny reviews on amazon.com

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Amazon as most of you know, lets you buy books and movies, and people review the albums they bought. Anyways, I was looking through, and there are some terrible reviews, and funny ones. So just search through and post some of the worst here.

TIP: Choose the "Lowest rated first" option when looking at reviews

I would like to start out with a few Dark Side of the Moon reviews. Some of these are pretty bad

here is a funny one for DSOTM with my favorite part in bold

My friend bought this album after buying into all the hype and boy was he dissappointed. I sat through this album and nearly fell asleep. How these boring old farts get so much credit I will never know.

A, YOU CAN'T EVEN DANCE TO THIS DRIVEL

B, THEY CAN'T SING (COME ON ITS LIKE ANDROIDS)

C, DON'T BUY THIS BORING CRAP (ITS AWFUL)

now heres that same persons reviews of Seargant peppers and abbey road

Michael Jackson's THRILLER blows this away with ease. This is nothing more than boring out of touch music critics trying to keep this coffee shop music at the top. Young people know what really grooves......

I don't like the Beatles, they're way overatted and you can't even dance to this music. Don't waste your money these 60s relics have been given way too much attention. And young people like me are sick and tired of having them and their dated music shoved down our throats. Leave them in the 60s where they belong and lets move on...

This has to be the worst review I've ever read. It's for Dark Side of the Moon, and hardly even mentions it

Don't buy this unless you want to fall asleep its BORING drivel. Britney Spears makes great music. One More Time has much better guitar riffs. And these guys are too...ugly to be popstars. Britney is cute. Buy Britneys albums instead for REAL music.

Same person, reviewing White Album

I have never understood all the fuss over the Beatles. They couldn't sing, weren't good looking and played the same guitar music over and over that you can't even dance to. Britney Spears has much more talent and is alot cuter than they ever were. One more TIME, is the greatest pop album of ALLTIME...not any overatted Beatles album.

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heres a really bad Black Sabbath review

What's the big deal guys? Korn invented metal, and Linkin Park perfected it. For a good osbourne check out the wonderful Kelly Osbourne. Ozzy is a poser!

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Batman, those reviews are awesome!!! I loved the three about the Beatles! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Specially that one of the kid who compared them with Britney Spears!!!!!!! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Rachel, your bf must be right, there´s people telling these things on purpose... by the way, you really love Britney Spears and dislike the Beatles? :shades: :stars: :puppyeyes:

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The Wall is less a collection of songs than a single work, which is sometimes frustrating; the plot lacks enough coherence to hold the snippets of music together.

And speaking of lack of coherence:

People are obvioulsy entitled to judge...its on us to not get misleaded...n any review below 4 stars for this album will serve the same...misleading ppl from great music.Well i think ppl who own this know that this is one priceless n timesless album....listen to this and come to know what kind of things matter in this world.I know...ull come to know.

Further proof that people who don't like The Wall are idiots:

Hiya All, I must hoanestly stay I doan unnnerstane whass the fuss bout this here woll CD. Its longevity is hily anoying and it boars me stiff. i honesly doan undstand ho peoble cansaye tey like this.

Man, it just does not get any better than this. In terms of classic rock -- or any kind of rock, for that matter -- Zeppelin is just the best. Robert Plant is the best shrieker in the world, John Bonham wields his drumsticks like thunder and lightning, Jimmy Page is a phenomenal guitarist, and besides being a great bass player, John Paul Jones is also an orgnaist. Beat that.

He forgot to say "I love Judith"

"Good Vibrations"..., its truly a beautiful and harmonic song. Its considered Their best, its one of the best songs from the 60s.
Interstellar Overdrive kicks Good Vibrations' ass.

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Rachel, your bf must be right, there´s people telling these things on purpose... by the way, you really love Britney Spears and dislike the Beatles? :shades: :stars: :puppyeyes:

me?? no!! i was just being sarcastic when i said yey for britney!

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no offense to Karhul, but here is another Karhul-esque review

1 Star

LED ZEPPELIN ARE COSMIC SUPER-BEINGS

Reviewer: LED ZEPPELIN were Gods

It is my unshakeable and unalterable belief that the band known as LED ZEPPELIN were not mortal beings, but supernatural entities who descended into our plane of existence. Every single song they wrote is light years better than any other music ever written or ever will be written. Everyhing from the Beetles to Black SabbAth, Pink Floyd to punk rock, Mozart to Motorhead, Jimi hendrix to Janis Joplin has already been doe far, far, FAR better by the God like LED ZEPPELIN. Every single note they played is something to be marveled at by humans for all eternity. Listening to their music is a deeply religious experience. It is like spiritual poetry. If I die and go to heaven I know that nothing there will be as remotley as good as the GODS Of Rock , LED ZEPPELIN.

You know what the best part is, though? That was a review for Dark Side of the Moon!

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This one has to be a joke. It's for Meddle by Pink Floyd

I have a medal for my swimming but this record has nothing to do with medals - it is not good at all and even sad like a dying flower.

This one was also probably a joke. He says that it made him vomit, and he loved it...????

I could acheive more musical talent by tape recording a blender on frappe for a half hour. I could barely keep from vomiting while listening to the wild experimentation of instrumental symphony. All in all, I loved it.

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This one has to be a joke, but hey, here it is:

If I were Oasis, I would sue the polyester, rhinestone studded pants off of the Beatles. I can't believe the Beatles can rip off Oasis like they did with this one. Anyone who gives this one 5 stars needs to do some homework. Fact: Oasis is a better group the the Beatles. Fact: Ringo is known through out music as a joke. Fact: Beatles stole ideas from Oasis. Lie: Sgt. Pepper is a good album. Oasis 4-ever!

same reviewer, except reviewing The Who

Well, the boys who brought you the theme songs to CSI, CSI: Miami and CSI: New York release a debut album full of yawn. These clowns need to stick with what they do best, writing theme songs for popular television shows. The musical talent is non existent on this one fellas. The drummer is an obvious rip off of Dave Grohl's Nirvana years. Dave Grohl can tear up the skins (atta boy Dave). Honestly, this sounds like stuff that was put out in the 1960's (note to The Who...IT'S 2004!!!). I wish I could invent a time machine and go back to the moment I hit play on my CD player. I would tell myself "don't hit play on the CD player, instead, go get your Nirvana CD and listen to that.) The Who...what a perfect name because in 5 years, that's what everyone will be saying!

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One word for this review(on DSOTM): ignorant.

THIS ISbad= ELEVATOR[music], its really a bunch of Nursery ryhmed jingles jangles water down barry manillow progressive going MINDLESS, simmilar to what happened to genesis. MUSIC FOR the big shell out , cynically canned and packaged for THEconsuming uninformed, THIS IS radio friendly album oriented mediocrity at its blandess. THE BEGGINNING OF A LONG DECLINE INTO SHEER SINILITY.[ THE EXCEPTION PERHAPS] [animals] where their depRESSION, lack of band cohession, not to mention NOimagination ;somehow creatES something approaching a desperation.

I couldn't help laughing at this one...

IF you were born after 1965, don't even think of wasting money on this. It's music for old people (i.e. baby boomers) and pimply-faced seventies teens with their awful black t-shirts. Spend your money on a haircut and "Never Mind The Bullocks" (and, if you don't get the last reference, you might as well end it all now). This album is slow, boring and took too long to make. If you're saying to yourself "But it was so popular and it was in the charts for years", remember that millions wasted money on bell-bottoms and mood rings.

Here's a review on Led Zeppelin 1.

this cd is responsible for all the [...]thats being called music. if you want music im going to say this again buy good charlotte they my friend are true musicians NO i am not joking! i swear led zeppelin, black sabbath all of those bands are posers they just tried to start new trends and fads. good charlotte didnt need to start anything they are and always will be part of the trends. do you see led zeppelin on mtv, i dont think so because in order for someone to be a good musician they have to be sponsored on mtv.

we all no dat good charrote is better dan zepplin! good charrote waz way b4 zepplin! [/sarcasim]

I totaly agree with the previous reviewer. In fact, Led Zepplin is ALREADY forgoten -- NOBODY in my hi school has ever hear of them, or any song they've ever done. The only thing I disagree with the previous reviewer is about what is a real band. Duran Duran -- Hah! They ain't nothing either. If you want to hear REAL music, check out Britny Spears and Ricky Martin and Cristina Aguilera. If you want to hear REAL bands, look for N'Sync and the Backstreet Boyz. Now that's stuff that will stand the test of time! If you don't believe me, just ask yourself: When you go to hi schools today, who do more people try to dress/look like: Britny Spears or Led Zepplin? The answer should tell you who is going to be remembered more in 50 years.

bRitNey iZ HotTT!!

A review On "Are You Experienced?".

Yeah jimi might have been talented but was he anywhere close to the greatness of Kurt Cobain? I think not. Other than a couple catchy hits, he was just an average guitar player. He's weak by today's standards. For good guitar work Check out "Nevermind" or "Bleach". Long Live Nirvana

Can Kurt play Machine Gun, Voodoo Child? Of course he can, everyone knows that!

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I'm using the Amazon.co.uk site - obviously!

Heres one for Robbie Williams' Greatest Hits..

In keeping with the Christ pose that he adopted at Knebworth in 2003, Robbie Williams is an icon that knows his importance. And, like Jesus, everyone knows his importance in return (apart from America, but that's a minor detail).

Yeh, cos Robbie Williams is just as important as someone like say, Jesus.

They then continue to add this in the same review:

One must remember that other geniuses had their problems with contemporary audiences. Galileo, for example, was almost burned at the stake for insisting on a heliocentric universe. Leonardo's flying machines were derided. Within music, one must remember that even those towering geniuses and innovators, the Beatles, had their albums burned by the Klu Klux Klan. People laughed at Elvis when he piled on the pounds. But who had the last laugh, huh?

Buy everything Robbie's ever done, and when you stare at your CD collection you will know you are in the company of greatness.

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Good God I hope this guy was joking, but his username is 'Fred Dursts numba one fann' so......

Hey party people, what is down?? A guy at the mall that looks like a fat version of Jim Carey said I should check out this righteous band Nirvana!! What a mistake that turned out to be, this Nirvana band is an insult to what TRU grunge should be about, and thats having catchy, radio friendly hits with clean production and sing-along versus!! If you want TRU grunge, stick with the inventors, like Puddle Of Pudd, Creed, Shinedown, Seether, Chevelle, Godsmack, Default, The Calling, Green Day and the brutal Good Charlotte!! For more godly sounds check into Linkin Park (gods of melodic metal), Disturbed and KoRn (gods of death metal) and Limp Bizkit (gods of all music!!) Peace out grunge wanna be's!!

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I just thought of a way to kind of 'invert' this for fun, you see most people have been going on to good albums, and looking for people trashing it, well I'm going on to horrible albums and looking for people that adore it!

here's a review for a Backstreet Boys CD

it doesn't get better than this. it has great love songs as well as dance songs on this album. to all the haters, nope it ain't over yet, b/c ppl obviously don't hate this stuff. i'm 14 'n i kno wat the hell i'm talkin about.

peace out

I'm gonna post some reviews for Miss Laveigne now

I think this CD is awesome. I really like her personality and her attitude cause she's just always herself and won't take any crap out of anybody! [...] I hope she continue's to be a real good artist and don't ever change!

Avril Lavigne is soooooooo talented!!!!!!! I love all the songs in her cd, they're so good!!!!

Losing Grip- I LOVE It

Complicated- a real hit!

Sk8er Boi- a very cool song

I'm With You- love the lyrics and the music

Mobile- kind of boring but really interesting

Unwanted- MY FAVORITE SONG, it rocks!!!!! It reminds me about this girl who talks words against me!!

Tomorrow- wonderful song

Anything But Ordinary- Love the music

Things I'll Never Say- my second favorite

My World- a really attractive song

Nobody's Fool- I really love the lyrics and the chorus

Too Much To Ask- sad song but lovely

Naked- WOW, I really love this song, I like everything about it!!!

Avril is my favorite!!! She's the best singer for me, I don't care about what people say about her because I'm like a huge fan of Avril!!!!!!!!!! She ROCKS!!!!!!!!

'This girl who talks words against me'?!!!!!!

Let go, The debut album from Rocker and vocalist avril lavigne is totally WICKED.it contains her 4 of her 6 hit singles (complicated,sk8er boi,im with you,losing grip) wich is good enough. And even those songs she didnt release are wicked.Lastly i would reccomend this album for all ages-apart from retired people!!A album for everyone (apart from retired people!)

Aaaah, Avril, not for the retired, but evidently custom fit for the retarded.

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This thread makes me feel sick!! ::

I found this insightful review of Th Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars:

Mittens is living, and Bob Marley will survive, and MOSS INc will take over the world!

Half the people who submit reviews on Amazon.com need to get a life. :thumbsdown:

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on wish you were here:

This is not real rock and roll. If you really want to rock hard, buy the latest from Creed, Blink-182 or Limp Bizkit. That is real music.

These old geezers can't even get through more than five songs...what a waste of $13!

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me?? no!! i was just being sarcastic when i said yey for britney!

Ouf!!! (graemlin relief)... will you ever forgive me for having doubted about you? :doh: :doh: :doh: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

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Here's a review on The Wall.

If it were ever a starless nite this heap of a CD would be considered the best sountrack for it.

My, have we ever herd bad music like this b4 in ower livves?

The day I 1st herd this CD I got myself an awaeful tootache and heddache and broken colonites because I gots worked up somuch because of the unsimpathetic and pathetic ugly sounds of musci.

People ya muss be crazedy!!!

The wall is a)incongruent and therefour phsychologicly degrading

B) a mental blockade leading clearly to newrosis

c) fat

d) diminishing but clawing to its nonexistent burtright.

e) fycisally unremitting and bad for overall helathstructure.

I sincerity re-command any 1 to walk another block look at the clock to pre-VEnt yourself from shock.

If not enjoy the schlock.

Defrock Dinky Florp. Do it NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Janie and Olliver

Yeah, I'm not going to even comment on this one.

Is it just me or is that song "Another Brick on the Wall" just a bit hypocritical? I mean you've got ultra-rich, multi-millionaire rock stars singing about rebellion against the education system.

Pink Floyd fooled millions into thinking they were somehow "rebellious" and "controversial" because of that song, but they didn't fool me. These guys shouldn't be singing about rebelling against the system. They weren't rebels at all. They were just as much about conformity as anybody else. How can you rebel against anything when you make $10 million a year? No, you can't! What garbage!

:laughing: :doh: :laughing:

i say the inside art to the duble LD and it sc ared me. the music didn;t help. why do bnands like being so scary?

All the bands are out to get you!

Here's a review on Black Sabbath

These hippie scum bag don't even know how to name a song! N.I.B? What the hell is that supposed to be? These losers may have a few fans, but if you want real Metal you have to check out Korn and Limp Bizkit. Those are the God Fathers of Metal. Fred Durst is the greatest lyricist in the history of thye world. Other great Metal bands like Blink-182, LIT, and Jimmy Eat World are just posing Limp and Korn but its alright: you can't beat perfection!

To invent something you have to invent it FIRST, so from this guy's logic, I can take credit for inventing the light bulb and the theory of gravity! Oh ya here's some of Fred Drust's "great song writing": keep on rolling rolling rolling keep on rolling rolling rolling keep on rolling rolling", if he's a great song writer, I can make millions by saying " I'm a song writer I'm a song writer, ohhh ya I am!"

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