lonelyday Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 (edited) I wrote this for a creative writing assessment in highschool. Edited February 7, 2019 by lonelyday taking writing offline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 Heart wrenching and beautifully written, honey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 I like how the first line is repeated in the last paragraph. Nice. Very good effort! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLizard Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 I can feel the regretful tone. Excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth-Angel Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 One of the best submissions in a long while. Beautifully written Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberjudge Posted July 19, 2008 Report Share Posted July 19, 2008 Excellently written. Too sad that for so many your age, this story is not fiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna Posted July 19, 2008 Report Share Posted July 19, 2008 My heartbeat was fighting to outrun the outlandish drum beat. This is great imagery. You've painted a picture here instead of telling a story. Such a sad piece. In the end it leaves me thinking that the person dying is laying blame at the feet of the one who let him/her go. Overall, you've done a great job here. This should warrant a nice grade! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyday Posted July 26, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2008 awww thanks for the feedback! It was a couple of years ago that I wrote it and I did get an A(or the new zealand equivalent anyway). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucky Posted July 26, 2008 Report Share Posted July 26, 2008 Excellently written. Too sad that for so many your age, this story is not fiction. I wish I'd seen this when first posted. Darlin' this is so good, and for me (as well as many others), very personal. Actually, it's made me shed a tear, in a good way. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted July 26, 2008 Report Share Posted July 26, 2008 It's so beautiful.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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