lonelyday 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 (edited) I wrote this for a creative writing assessment in highschool. Edited February 7 by lonelyday taking writing offline Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacious_Peaches 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 Heart wrenching and beautifully written, honey. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jenny 2 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 I like how the first line is repeated in the last paragraph. Nice. Very good effort! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheLizard 1 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 I can feel the regretful tone. Excellent. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Earth-Angel 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 One of the best submissions in a long while. Beautifully written Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cyberjudge 0 Report post Posted July 19, 2008 Excellently written. Too sad that for so many your age, this story is not fiction. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shawna 1 Report post Posted July 19, 2008 My heartbeat was fighting to outrun the outlandish drum beat. This is great imagery. You've painted a picture here instead of telling a story. Such a sad piece. In the end it leaves me thinking that the person dying is laying blame at the feet of the one who let him/her go. Overall, you've done a great job here. This should warrant a nice grade! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyday 0 Report post Posted July 26, 2008 awww thanks for the feedback! It was a couple of years ago that I wrote it and I did get an A(or the new zealand equivalent anyway). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky 5 Report post Posted July 26, 2008 Excellently written. Too sad that for so many your age, this story is not fiction. I wish I'd seen this when first posted. Darlin' this is so good, and for me (as well as many others), very personal. Actually, it's made me shed a tear, in a good way. Thanks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Fish 0 Report post Posted July 26, 2008 It's so beautiful.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites