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Songfacts Fantasy Convention!


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I'm sure everyone has thought of a Songfacts get-together. Well, let's make up our own story shall we? Everyone, join in!

Everyone was a bit excited while arriving to the first annual Songfacts convention. The day was hot. Amy and Catherine were busy setting up the canopy on the white hot sand of the beautiful beach. Ken and Mike were trying to negotiate a deal on a jet-ski rental. Carl was busy setting up DJ equipment while Sara and Bobo pondered their next scrabble move. Others had not arrived yet and were expected any time. All of a sudden, a large black cloud appeared, threatening to ruin a pefect day, but...

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...Floyd grabs a stake at Catherine's request, leaving Ken to the wry jet-ski guy. The large black cloud that once veiled the sun was now gone, replaced by the arrival of Peachy, recognized instantly by the Jack Black thong, requesting Tenacious D as the first song. Opiate, having also just arrived disagreed yelling, "Tool first, Tool!"

When all of a sudden...

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Carl and Sara eloped to the wedding chapel at the surprise of Sara (Carl was planning this all along), Catherine tried to get Mike to read the directions on "setting up a canopy" -but the direction are in french only *sigh* ("achtung...what's that mean?") ...meanwhile Ken is slaleming on the jet-ski and singing "Wastin' away again in Margaritaville..."

...Meanwhile Muzik buys another round....

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...while reminding the bartender to go easy on the 151 but by all means to add a few more of those cute li'l umbrellas. I mean, it was only 9AM and I wanted wits until the last of the seemingly late members arrived to the scene.

Just as the exotic waitress handed out the last drink...

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We get a call from bluesboy

I tell 'em I finally found enough firewood for the bonfire later in the evening when I notice a tail on me, DEA I say, no way. I'm only a block away and starting to look for a parking spot. I assume many have already arrived, since I had to travel farther up the mountain in my search for wood. I hope they recognize me from the earlier pictures...

(fat bastard at 250 lbs not 450 with a ZZ Top beard).

I disregarded the tail because I'm only holding a few hits of shrooms (inside a hollered out paperback of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson)... and I find a close parking spot to unload the firewood... . Just then I hear the potato - potato - potato ROAR of two Harley's cruisin the parking lot. As they drive by I notice their Hells Angels colors, their chaps had a weather-beaten road patina... and I took a step back... and then ...

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While the women continue to discuss potential wedding plans ...I corraled Scott to help me finish putting up the big canopy and secure the campsite...

We also requested a few minutes of Ray Charles to the DJ

Scott needs some ice for his swollen eye, and I ask him if his assailants were big n ugly...

meanwhile ...

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Ken arrives in an explosively loud Hawaiian shirt, Red Stripe beer cradled loosely in one hand, and a devil-may-care grin. Oddly enough, there is a gentleman behind him wearing a paper bag over his head. No one asks about the gentleman. Mike, just having returned from his para-sail excursion is making his way unsteadily to the outdoor bar for an Island Hopper (six shots of booze over lemonade). Catherine and Sara are deep in discussion about organza or chiffon, topics not only off limits to men, but light-years beyond their mere mortal comprehension. Marcus has been staring at the paper bag clad gentleman, and has begun a conversation with the soft-spoken fellow. The ubiquitous Caribbean wind carries the conversation away from everyone, but Marcus' eyes are getting steadily larger by the second. Down the beach a piece, Peachy is telling Bluesboy she is simply not interested in seeing his 'special piercing'. Amy continues to look cool, calm and utterly spectacular lying on the lounger. Somewhere in the background, Van Morrison's "Tupelo Honey" can be heard playing on a boombox. Mike, having returned with a fresh cold re-load has started a conversation with Ken (and his loud shirt). "Don't start with that Night Moves sh** again!", Ken, in tears, telling him that Lulu hasn't the musical talent of William Hung. This, dissolving Mike into apile of giggles. Suddenly, Marcus can be heard yelling "Dear Sweet Jesus". The paper-bag clad man has had the wind carry his disguise off. Standing there on the beach is a well tanned, still dangerous looking................... Elvis Presley. In all the commotion, no one notices the ominous six foot fin that has emerged from the turquoise waters behind an oblivious Cyberdemon.

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I went to this convention and got real loaded, played crappy guitar, and threw up in the middle of the performance. My wife told me "how I made an ass out of myself" the entire way back home and she swears we will never attend another again...........There has to be one of those guys at every event.LOL might as well be me ::

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All of a sudden, a shot comes out from the trees, down the beach, and hits the six foot fin, right before it eats cyberdemon. Psychocatholic(call me paul) pops out of the trees with a sniper. I got fiery swimming trunks on, a muscle shirt and a cooler. FREE DRINKS ALL AROUND! Then i get temporarily banned from songfacts by carl and sara for underage drinking :doh:....NEXT!

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...no one notices the ominous six foot fin that has emerged from the turquoise waters behind an oblivious Cyberdemon...

...until the very banshee from hell emitted from the waters, alarming all within a one mile radious. Everyone looked towards Cyberdemon with horror with the realization that the shot from the trees seemingly has no effect on the reptilian mistake, as the ghastly figure arose much like the creature from the black lagoon but 100 times more frightening. Elvis, quickly grabbed Ken's shirt and pelvised hurriedly towards the monstrosity, which Cyberdemon was oblivious to and proceeded to wave the Hawaiian shirt in front of it much like Van Helsing would a crucifix to Dracul. As fast as the monster appeared it vanished into a huge pile of green jelly as Cyberdemon and the rest of the convention goers looked on in total awe and wonder.

Elvis, simply said:

Thank ya, thank ya very much, while handing Ken back his shirt, unscathed by the chartreuse colored filth. All seemed back to normal until...

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After finishing my drink...

I decided to ask Elvis a question or two.

I said King, what are your most important contributions of the 20th century?

And he said..

Why the first 2 albums back in '55 and '56, everything started to go downhill after I made the first movie. Although they're some dynamite songs from '57 - mid '70s, nothing beats those first 30 or so songs I recorded.

meanwhile...

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Costellogirl gets excited, because she thinks that Elvis Costello is here, but alas, it is only Presley.

Denmark Street and DiggsUK show up to give us news from across the pond. They join Jayson & Peaches, who are discussing the loss of their fellow Georgian, Ray Charles.

Peaches spots Opiate - they find Amy to have an in depth conversation about 21 Jump Street Johnny Depp vs. Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp.

PDXChump realizes that the damned canopy is still not up. Everyone decides to pitch in, but a huge fight breaks out, because the Beatles fans think it should be put up differently than the Nirvana fans do. The Led Zepplin fans are too busy playing with mudsharks to help, and the Grateful Dead fans are munching on the mushrooms they found in the forest.

Meanwhile?

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PDXChump shakes his head at all those non military, never been camping attendees that don?t know how to set up a friggin canopy! WHOOOSH?. the canopy is set up. Shade is made, grills fire up, chairs are laid out and a stage is set . For whom we do not yet know.

Batman sets up his Hot Diggity Dog blind taste test to determine if Hebrew National Hotdogs really taste better than other brands. But devious Scott foils the plan by flashing a symbol of a bat wing in the sky. Batman-seeing the symbol in the sky-excuses himself to go save the world. While Scott goes in to change numbers. It is later determined that squirrel meat hot dogs reign supreme.

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DD finally shows up.

with a battery powered Blender, and some Quervo gold.

"Margaritas all around" she calls, just as the guy on the seadoo swings back around, and you hear "searching for my lost shaker of salt"

What a good party,

Friends, Margaritas, Elvis, and of corse the wedding couple.

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Well Peaches, sadly I cannot attend. I am on tour singing back up with my new husband Ryan Adams.

David Letterman suddenly cancels his surprise proposal to Costello girl. He walks away in despair, "I thought she loved me?" he cries.

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Amy and Sara go for a walk to find some kindling - The guys think it's to cook Paul's steaks, but they really want to heat up their Gardenburgers.

Bobo has scribbled a few lyrics about sharks and Nostradamous in his notepad, and runs them by Scott, who's down with the shark idea but thinks they should leave ancient prophets to Spinal Tap. They come up with a chorus -

"My beluga don't cry

It's a hammerhead lullaby

You can be my chum

If I can be your savior"

Amy and Sara return with a stray dog they found along the way. It's a scraggly little mutt they've named Stanley.

Jayson breaks out his guitar and comes up with a riff for the shark song.

Denmark and Diggs add some British flavour to the lyrics and try to explain to Scott that they take no responsibility for The Spice Girls.

Mike and Ken have a great idea, at least it sounds great after a few of those Cuervo Margaritas - a Johnny Depp costume party. Carl insists on being Pirate Johnny, which is basically Keith Richards, but allows him to say "Aaarrgh." Mike wants to know if he can be Richard Greco, since they're sort of the same person. Cyberdemon will only play if he can be Edward Scissorhands.

The song is coming along, but they're starting to rethink the beluga line.

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suddenly.....

who shows up?

Johnny Depp.

The girls in the lawn chairs start whispering.

That HAS to be Johnny Depp.

No one else can look that much like Johnny Depp in his pirate costume.

No wait, Wheres Muziktyme?

Havent seen Marcus in a while.

Must be him, in that costume.

HMMMM, maybe we need more Margaritas.

You look across the waters,... calm, reflecting the moons glow.

The fire is crackling, the steaks smell marvelous.

The strains of guitar come to your ears.

Loud bursts of laughter.

And of corse, the dog, tail wagging, occasionally fetching a frisbee, thrown to the waters.

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