babyteen Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 One thing that has always confused me about marriage vows is the part about what the officiant says to the couple about to be married. My confusion comes from the fact that there are so many different versions of the, what's that called again, the, consent. Or is that the question of intent? Some say that some versions are more "Passive" than others. Look at the following examples, and tell me if you agree. Here, I'll use mine and my boyfriend's names as an example. Version 1. Officiant says to John: Do you, John, take Annabelle to be your lawfully wedded wife? John Answers: I Do. Officiant says to Annabelle: Do you, Annabelle, take John to be your lawfully wedded husband? Annabelle Answers: I Do. Version 2. Officiant Says to John: John, Do you take Annabelle to be your Wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her? John Answers: I do. Officiant Says to Annabelle: Annabelle, Do you take John to be your Husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him? Annabelle Answers: I do. Version 3. Officiant says to John: John, will you take Annabelle as your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in love and marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health? And, forsaking all others, be faithful only unto her, until death do you part? John Answers: I Will. Officiant says to Annabelle: Annabelle, will you take John as your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in love and marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health? And, forsaking all others, be faithful only unto him, until death do you part? Annabelle Answers: I Will. Version 4. Officiant says to John: John, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live? John Ansers: I will. Officiant says to Annabelle: Annabelle, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live? Annabelle Ansers: I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I guess it's just whatever you prefer... personally, I think that fourth version would make me run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyteen Posted March 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I guess it's just whatever you prefer... personally, I think that fourth version would make me run. Can you explain which part of the fourth version would make you run? And by that, are you saying it would make you run away from a wedding? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Um... all of it. It's too overdone and formal and church-y... Well, right now the thought of any kind of wedding vow would make me run, but you get the idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otokichi Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Unlike the other versions, this one spells out exactly what's expected of each party. I recall this traditional version was common until recently. Then couples began to write their own vows, no-fault divorce, palimony, pre-nups, and other celebrity garbage muddied the waters. Marriage is the ultimate commitment to another, and if one can't stomach #4, you aren't ready. (It's OK if you aren't, there are too many folk who took their vows lightly, or in vain.) This from a quite single fellow who wonders if MSO will contact me, and when. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 whatever happened to "obey"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyteen Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Unlike the other versions, this one spells out exactly what's expected of each party. I recall this traditional version was common until recently. Then couples began to write their own vows, no-fault divorce, palimony, pre-nups, and other celebrity garbage muddied the waters. Marriage is the ultimate commitment to another, and if one can't stomach #4, you aren't ready. (It's OK if you aren't, there are too many folk who took their vows lightly, or in vain.) This from a quite single fellow who wonders if MSO will contact me, and when. Which version of these are you referring to? I specifically typed out four different versions. By the way, in these marriage vows, how would you explain the difference between "I Do", and "I Will"? Is one active, and the other passive? Which one is which? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hey, don´t get maried... You avoid further complications with lawyers and papers that are yet less understandable than what you hear when you get maried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Baloni Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 how would you explain the difference between "I Do", and "I Will"? One means you gotta start right away, and the other means you can put it off for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hey, don´t get maried... You avoid further complications with lawyers and papers that are yet less understandable than what you hear when you get maried. If you need a ceremony and a piece of paper to confirm your love, then marry, but having those things won't guarantee it will last. I know more people that are happy living together than I do people who are married and living together. And the funny part, most of the ones that I know who are married, have cheated. So I guess they really didn't care what vows were spoken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Isn't it kind of obvious, looking at the vows? With the first two, the priest starts off "Do you"... with the last two, he says "Will you". So they'll reply "I do" to the first ones and "I will" to the last two. I don't see how one of them would be passive... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 If you need a ceremony and a piece of paper to confirm your love, then marry, but having those things won't guarantee it will last. I know more people that are happy living together than I do people who are married and living together. And the funny part, most of the ones that I know who are married, have cheated. So I guess they really didn't care what vows were spoken. Couldn´t agree more... ...though there are some rare exceptions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 I agree with you Edna about the rare exceptions. I do have a friend, well friends that are married and have been for years and they act like two teenagers in love at times and just fit together perfectly. Yeah they have ups and downs but seem to get through them ok. But as you said a rare exception. People look down on me because my little girls Dad and I aren't married, but that isn't what we want, we are trying to raise a little girl together the best we can, and being married would add problems for our situation. And to get married just to look appropriate to others isn't the solution. I mean I didn't want to marry him before I had her, why would I want to now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyteen Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hey, don´t get maried... You avoid further complications with lawyers and papers that are yet less understandable than what you hear when you get maried. Edna, I want you to know that John and I have been together for ten years, and we've always wanted to get married. And, on top of that, neither one of us is the cheatin' kind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyteen Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Which one starts right away? and which one is put off for a while? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 whatever happened to "obey"? That's the ONLY vow I'd make the woman say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 he means: "I Do (it now)" and "I Will (do it later)" very good joke btw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyteen Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 That's the ONLY vow I'd make the woman say. When most people hear the word "Obey", the one thing that comes to mind is, "Will you do as you're told or else?" Also, when you hear the words, "Wilt thou obey him and serve him, wouldn't you think that they mean the husband requires the wife to be his servant and slave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 When most people hear the word "Obey", the one thing that comes to mind is, "Will you do as you're told or else?" Also, when you hear the words, "Wilt thou obey him and serve him, wouldn't you think that they mean the husband requires the wife to be his servant and slave? When that particular vow was written, it was when the wife was considered the husband's property, not even equal in value to the family cow. And he could do with her as he pleased. However, that vow has been written out of the "customary" vows of marriage because wives are considered (in our culture, anyway) to be equal to the husband, and not chattel. As a wife, however, I found that I was not just equal, but far superior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucky Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 As a wife, however, I found that I was not just equal, but far superior. Yes, it happens quite often... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 The shortest sentence in the English language? I am. The longest? I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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