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Goofy / embarrassing or downright boneheaded moves you've made


Kevin
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This is not mine, but my wife's moment that she gave me permission to share. Now in order to appreciate this, you must understand a little about my wife, Diana (in Brazil pronounced Gee-ah-nah.) She is an extremely sincere and caring person in addition to being cute and just a bit honestly naive. You should also know a bit of the Brazilian way of conducting funerals. They are very akin to a "wake." Bodies are rarely embalmed in Brazil, so the corpse remains tolerable for no longer than about 24 hours during which time the closest family members receive a concentrated flow of friends, other family members and any other concerned visitors.

When Diana was 10 years old, a schoolmate of my wife announced in class one of his grandparents had died. Upon returning home from school that afternoon, Diana told her mother that she felt burdened to attend the viewing. My mother-in-law could not go with her, but felt Diana old enough to act alone as representative for their family on this regrettable occasion. She instructed Diana as to the proper etiquette upon meeting the bereaved family members and most importantly the correct comments to make. Prime among those was the phrase that translates to the English, "I offer my condolences" and just as difficult to get a handle around in Portuguese for a 10 year old as that phrase would be in English for an American kid. But she was determined to be properly correct and after bathing and dressing in her finest appropriate dress, dark pillbox hat and dark gloves; practiced her mother's phrases over and over as she walked the 10 blocks to the funeral. Upon arriving at the somber, formal viewing area, hearing the mournful crying and actually seeing the lace veil draped body in the middle of the room, Diana felt that gripping drama that accompanies such a scene. Then her friend brought his parents over to meet his little classmate. As they extended their hands down to her, knowing she now must speak, Diana fought through her nervous conflictions and loudly blurted out her foremost thought from her experiences of shaking hands with others .... "Congratulations!"

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Last night , around 11 , I lit this tall pillar candle we were given . It's rather cheap and poorly made ( for candle performance , anyway -maybe just for looks ) , and barely throws off much light . Anyway , We went to bed and , now , ~13 hours later I just saw it was still burning and blew it out ... Whew ! :doh: Lucky it was cheap and had hardly burned down much or made a huge melted waxy mess ( I hate those ) on the sideboard ... or worse !

Kevin : Don't light candles just before bed ! Don't light candles just before bed ! }:( :crazy:

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oooo Kevin... I know someone who lit a bunch of candles in her bedroom and then went to take a bath. While she was preoccupied. one of her cats went by a candle and caught its tail on fire. Of course it streaked around the house trying to get away from the fire and caught everything else on fire. Her entire house burned down. The only material thing saved was an old photo of her dog.

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Last night , around 11 , I lit this tall pillar candle we were given . It's rather cheap and poorly made ( for candle performance , anyway -maybe just for looks ) , and barely throws off much light . Anyway , We went to bed and , now , ~13 hours later I just saw it was still burning and blew it out ... Whew ! :doh: Lucky it was cheap and had hardly burned down much or made a huge melted waxy mess ( I hate those ) on the sideboard ... or worse !

Kevin : Don't light candles just before bed ! Don't light candles just before bed ! }:( :crazy:

Dont smoke in bed, either.

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  • 1 year later...

Ahhh....I remember in High School two French guys came to make us crepes (because that was the second language we were taught) and anyway my friend and I were never really good students in French and all we did was look up swear words in class time. Anyway our other friend never did French and we told him to order the crepe in French, so we told him all these swear words and told him those are just words you use when you're ordering a meal. Eventually he found out we were lying (mainly because of the disgusted look on the French guys face) and he was really pissed off at us. But I couldn't care cause I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe....

God how I cherish those memories....

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One night I put incense sticks in my room when I was 17 or so, red lights, a lava lamp, some candles, all very psychedelich. I sat on my carpet like I was going to meditate, took a long pipe and started to smoke pot like I was in a trance. Hedphones on my ears and some King Crimson/Focus/Floyd, I don´t remember... maybe even Ravi Shankar... very loud.

That´s why I couldn´t hear my parents when they came into the room and were staring at me for some minutes... I never found myself more ridiculous in my life...

I wasn´t even stoned and of course, no alcohol involved...

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