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Maim That Tune


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Sometimes when I hear a song on the radio, I will mentally play around with the lyrics.

For example,

you can exchange lyrics between Bob Dylan's I Shall Be Free and The Surfari's Surfer Joe.

Well, ask me why I'm drunk alla time,

It levels my head and eases my mind.

I just walk along and stroll and sing,

I see better days and I do better things.

easily converts to

Down in Doheny where the surfers all go

There’s a big, bleached blondie named Surfer Joe.

He’s got a bright green surfboard and a woody to match

When he gets on the freeway, boy, is he hard to catch

and vice versa. You might have to fudge a couple words here and there but the simple melodies make that one work quite well.

Whole songs are a rarity. But sometimes a few lines jump out. For instance, I imagine The Stylistics' I'm Stone In Love With You

If I could I'd like to be

A great big movie star

Overnight sensation

Drive a big expensive car

with a little help from The Beatles

If I could I'd like to be

A great big movie star

Yellow matter custard,

Dripping from a dead dog’s eye.

Is this just further evidence that bazooka is completely nuts ?

Or does anybody else have their own examples of this kind of stuff ?

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Thanks Brad.

I wanted to clear that up right from the get-go.

Maybe I made this too complicated. Here's a simpler sample.

on the radio:

Guns N' Roses version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door.

in bazooka's head:

Gee, Axl Rose sounds remarkably like Carol Channing.

And this reminds me of the Three Stooges because he just might be saying " N'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk - in' on Heaven's Door ".

Bob Dylan must be rolling over in his grave -- Oh wait, Dylan is still around. Well, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid must be rolling over in their graves.

I oughta switch stations.

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You got me, Bazooka. I've actually done the Curly nyuk nyuk to "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".

I purposely sing the wrong words to songs all the time, but I can't think of a single example right this second.

My last name begins with a B and ends with a Y. Everytime I'm with my husband and a song comes on with the word baby in it, I substitute our last name. It makes him laugh even after all these years.

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when i hear "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton i replace the verses with verses from the monty python song "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"

When you're feelin' in the dumps

don't be silly chumps


when life seem jolly rotten

there's somethin' you've forgotten


i don't know why. it's probably because i don't know the real words.

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How about the dyslexic's rendition of this Kinks klassic.

I met her in a club down in old Soho

Where they drink champagne

And it tastes just like cherry Cola

O - A - L - C , Cola

She walked up to me and she asked me to dance

I asked her her name

And in a dark brown voice she said Lola

O - L - A - L , Lola

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  • 3 months later...

I remember my brother's friend was always trying to perfect his rendition of Fingertips Part 2, which he performed as 'Big Stevie Regular' (instead of Little Stevie Wonder), and it consisted of trying to substitute 'opposite' words (or somewhat 'opposite' words) in the place of the original lyrics. Some excerpts went something like this (as best I can recall):

Don't clap your feet, just a whole lot softer

Don't clap your feet, just a whole lot softer

Well, hello, hello

A-hello, hello

Hello, hello, hello

I'm gonna stay, now

I'm gonna stay, now

But let's not just sing it two more times!

Why anyone would want to take up this endeavor (he probably even called it Thumb-bottoms or something like that), and why I found it incredibly hilarious, is still a mystery.

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  • 8 months later...

Scatological Singing Dept:

I wanna leave you

Don't wanna stay here

Don't wanna spend

Another day here

Though I wanna split now,

No sh*t now

You've really got a hold on me


You’re lookin’ good just like a snake in the grass,

One of these days , I'm gonna kick your ass.

Don't bring me down, no no no no no no no no, Quaalude

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Two choruses from 60's songs that interchange quite smoothly are "Light My Fire" by The Doors and "Drive My Car" by The Beatles. Just imagine Jim Morrison singing this to the tune of Light My Fire:

Baby you can drive my car

Yes I'm gonna be a star

Baby you can drive my car

And maybe I'll love you

You have to change the tune at the end, but the first two lines work well. :)

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  • 3 years later...

"F_#k the Coast Guard ".

My wish for you would be: never get caught in a storm during high seas on a boat by yourself.

Bazooka always hits my funny-bone, everytyme.

I'll have to try to think back and post my creative thoughts.

Don't think back too far, MC, you, or, I,

me especially, might forget!

No one can plan Alzheimer's!


Well, there are exceptions sooo...ladies and gentlemen...

Let's Maim That Tune!!!

Uncle Salty told me

Stories of a lonely

Baby with a lonely kind of life to lead

My mammy, was lusted

Daddy, he was busted!

They left her to be trusted 'til the orphan bleeds . . .

Maim it!


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