LMAO

[EasyRider]

Actual Country Music Song Titles

Do You Love As Good As You Look?

Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart!

Heaven's Just A Sin Away.

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind.

Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me.

Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?

I Meant Every Word That He Said.

I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town.

I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win.

I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

I Wanna Whip Your Cow

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.

I Don't Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You).

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It.

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2.

I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine.

I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal.

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew.

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up).

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him.

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite.

I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon.

I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue.

I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

I'm Not Married But The Wife Is.

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You.

I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time.

I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat!

I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long.

If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There).

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?

If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure.

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?

If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love.

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me, Her Memory Will.

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long.

It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad.

It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me.

Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me.

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

My Every Day Silver Is Plastic

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way.

Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You

Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed.

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill

Please Bypass This Heart.

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty

She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without.

Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love.

Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You

Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me".

There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal.

They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out.

Touch Me With More Than Your Hands.

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me).

When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In

When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town).

Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play.

You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too

You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd

You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me.

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

You're A Cross I Can't Bear.

You're Ruining My Bad Reputation.

[InsaneTim]

You didn't list "It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long" by the Notorious Cherry Bombs!

[Tenacious_Peaches]

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Well, praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, y'all!

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

Ain't that the truth?

Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way.

I love this one! Mac Davis was quite cute, if I remember correctly. He had a good ole boy 'fro.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE:

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

when you're perfect in every way.

I can't wait to look in the mirror

cause I get better loking each day.

To know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

but I'm doing the best that I can.

I used to have a girlfriend

but she just couldn't compete

with all of these love starved women

who keep clamoring at my feet.

Well I prob'ly could find me another

but I guess they're all in awe of me.

Who cares, I never get lonesome

cause I treasure my own company.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

when you're perfect in every way,

I can't wait to look in the mirror

cause I get better looking each day

To know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

but I'm doing the best that I can.

I guess you could say I'm a loner,

a cowboy outlaw tough and proud.

I could have lots of friends if I want to

but then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd.

Some folks say that I'm egotistical.

Hell, I don't even know what that means.

I guess it has something to do with the way that I

fill out my skin tight blue jeans.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

when you're perfect in every way,

I can't wait to look in the mirror

cause I get better looking each day

To know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

but I'm doing the best that I can.

[Kevin]

I love many of these and other country titles . They're clever in a simple way ... almost like little mantras if they apply to you.

How about "All my Ex's Live in Texas " ( and that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee ) -- George Strait

[Tenacious_Peaches]

There is a new song out by Jo Dee Messina that's pretty funny..."My Give a Damn's Busted".

Well you filled up my head with so many lies

You've twisted my heart 'til something snapped inside

I'd like to give it one more try

But, my give a damn's busted

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong

Stand out in the yard and cry all night long

Go ahead and water the lawn

My give a damn's busted

[Chorus:]

I really wanna care

I wanna feel something

Let me dig a little deeper

No, sorry, nothing

You can say you've got issues

You can say you're a victim

It's all your parents' fault, I mean after all you didn't pick em

Maybe somebody else has got time to listen

My give a damn's busted

Well your therapist says it was all a mistake

A product of the Prozac and your codependent ways

So who's your enabler these days

My give a damn's busted

[Chorus:]

I really wanna care

I wanna feel something

Let me dig a little deeper

No, still nothing

It's a desperate situation

No tellin what you'll do

If I don't forgive you, you say your life is through

Come on give me something I can use

My give a damn's busted

[Chorus:]

Well, I really wanna care

I wanna feel something

Let me dig a little deeper

No, man, sorry

Just nothing, no

You've really done it this time

My give a damn's busted

[bluesboy]

Then there's also,

Put Another Log on the Fire by Shel Silverstein

Put another log on the fire.

Cook me up some bacon and some beans.

And go out to the car and change the tire.

Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,

And then go fetch my slippers.

And boil me up another pot of tea.

Then put another log on the fire, babe,

And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday?

Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?

Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday?

Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.

Ain't I always nice to your kid sister?

Don't I take her driving every night?

So, sit here at my feet 'cos I like you when you're sweet,

And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So, put another log on the fire.

Cook me up some bacon and some beans.

Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tire.

Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,

And then go fetch my slippers.

And boil me up another pot of tea.

Then put another log on the fire, babe,

And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

[InsaneTim]

And who can forget Shel Silverstein's genius (as sung by Johnny Cash) "A Boy Named Sue"!!

[_jr_]

"I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You" is on there twice.

Ironic?

[Kevin]

^ Dork !

"If The Devil Danced in Empty Pockets " ( he'd have a ball in mine ) -- Joe Diffe

Diablo motors had a hell of a sale,

downtown yesterday,

Word got around, no money down,

take years and years to pay.

When I got there the lot was bare,

but the salesman said hold on.

For a little cash, I gotta two-tone Nash

out behind the barn.

Chorus

If the devil danced in empty pockets,

he'd have a ball in mine.

With a nine foot grand,

    a ten piece band

      and a twelve girl chorus line.

I'd raise some loot in a three piece suit,

give 'em one dance for a dime,

If the devil danced in empty pockets,

he'd have a ball in mine.

Well he said friend it ain't the end

let's see what I can do.

If you own a home,

  I've got a loan,

    tailor made for you.

Then above the racket a voice in my jacket said,

"I'll tote the note."

The devil made me do it,

talked me in to it,

and that was all she wrote.

Chorus

If the devil danced in empty pockets,

he'd have a ball in mine.

With a nine foot grand,

    a ten piece band

      and a twelve girl chorus line.

I'd raise some loot in a three piece suit,

give 'em one dance for a dime,

If the devil danced in empty pockets,

he'd have a ball in mine.

They say debt is a bottomless pit

where the devil likes to play.

I'd sell my soul to get out of this hole,

but there'd be hell to pay.

Chorus

If the devil danced in empty pockets,

he'd have a ball in mine.

With a nine foot grand,

    a ten piece band

      and a twelve girl chorus line.

I'd raise some loot in a three piece suit,

give 'em one dance for a dime,

If the devil danced in empty pockets,

he'd have a ball in mine.

[_Laurie_]

How about....She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy?....i dont know if that's funny or just plain weird

[MarcM]

The perfect country song, as sung by David Allan Coe:

You Never Even Call Me By My Name

WELL, IT WAS ALL

THAT I COULD DO TO KEEP FROM CRYING'

SOMETIMES IT SEEMED SO USELESS TO REMAIN

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'

YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME BY MY NAME

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME WAYLON JENNINGS

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME CHARLIE PRIDE

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MERLE HAGGARD/ANYMORE

EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ON MY FIGHTING' SIDE

CHORUS:

AND I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME

AND I NEVER MINDED STANDING' IN THE RAIN

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'

YOU NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME

WELL, I'VE HEARD MY NAME

A FEW TIMES IN YOUR PHONE BOOK (Hello, Hello)

AND I'VE SEEN IT ON SIGNS WHERE I'VE PLAYED

BUT THE ONLY TIME I KNOW

I'LL HEAR "DAVID ALLAN COE"

IS WHEN JESUS HAS HIS FINAL JUDGMENT DAY

REPEAT CHORUS

RECITATION:

WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG

AND HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG

I WROTE HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA,

OR TRAINS,

OR TRUCKS,

OR PRISON,

OR GETTING' DRUNK

WELL HE SAT DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG

AND HE SENT IT TO ME,

AND AFTER READING IT,

I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE PERFECT

COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG

AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT ON THIS ALBUM

THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE:

WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON

AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN

BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK

SHE GOT RUN NED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN

CHORUS:

AND I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME

AND I NEVER MINDED STANDING' IN THE RAIN

NO, A' YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'

YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME

WELL I WONDER WHY YOU DON'T CALL ME

WHY DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME BY MY NAME