DiggsUK

Tip with the napkin rings - butter first!!! Oh, unless you are Jewish you can hold 'em on with a small citrus fruit too. ahem...

I once took a dip in Lake Malawi. Safe enough until I noticed large brown objects in the water ahead... when their little ears started flapping I left sharpish! Another foolish episode involved me finding an artillery shell in a field whilst walking the dog. Being 14, I figured it would look good in my bedroom all polished up... I picked it up and placed it in a bread basket I also found nearby, and dragged it home for 4 miles. Upon seeing it, my old man went up the wall and called bomb-disposal. Turned out it was an unexploded 25Lb high explosive round left over from when the local marshes were use by the army as a firing range during WWII. It was gingerly handled into the back of a Land Rover and taken to an island off the coast to be detonated in safety... oops!!

In God's own image?

Once more the voice of moderation and reasoned thought, JG! On the subject of natural selection, if (by BF's argument) only good looking animals get to reproduce, what are the tabbed-up, bingo-winged beasts that hang around the school gates at 3.00 weekdays? Indeed, if only the fit get laid, how does one explain the existence of Yates Wine Lodge patrons?

Could you repeat that?

I love this kind of thing. Sure, we don't yet know where the first spark of life came from or whether the soul exists, but to deny that we are 'animals' is beyond my comprehension... As for chopping the hubba-bubba off Jewish kids, well... You may as well argue that because we drive cars and haven't evolved a velour hide and hub-caps... you get my drift...

BF beat me to it...

My little baby...

I don't think 'Dittle Diggs' would work to Styx or Heart...

I wouldn't malign the 'sympathy shag' either - hell, if I was in the market I'd happily play any old sh*te for that kind of sympathy! Of course, I'd have my finger on the 'off-button' faster than she could ask "You ok?"! No, thinking about it I would draw the line at 'soft rock' though.. lol

Yeah, but you don't want to come across as an old guy trying to be down wit da kids either... May I suggest a little Tim Buckley to show your romantic side...

Did somebody mention Leonard Cohen?

The best bit: "Hutton says, "She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better." I know the media are hyping the story at her expense, however if the above is true, I'm afraid there is no hope... If she really wants to make the world a better place, she can come round to mine and clear out my garage. After that she can pick the kids up from school, then make tea...

No, I woofed in the plant pot. Not a drop touched my person, nor the spuff...

"chimchimeny chimchimeny chimchimeny cher....oooohhh!!!!"

Nooo... 'puffing' is what a gay, asthmatic man does in public toilets...

My only 'spuffing' was in the campsite bar at Penzance when I was 16. Didn't like it and promptly threw up in a plant-pot...

...from the verb 'to spiff', natch. One spiffs a lot in Cornwall as it is a marvelous place.

Never mind the Munics and Chelsea, the big game is tomorrow night - the mighty Reds against AC Milan in Athens. If you have soul, you'll be rooting for Liverpool!

I think it is still law in certain upland farming communities for the mother of the bride to 'have' the groom on the wedding night... Why do folk always knock the French? Is it because of Vichy - if so, the Catholic Church should be damned also... You must remember that in WWII they were poorly lead, despite having the best tank and fighter in 1940. They just didn't have the tactics, thats all. Oh, spending billions on the Maginot Line when the pesky Krauts simply went around it didn't help either... We stood up to Hitler because we had the Channel, purely and simply. Plus I suppose Adolf was more interested in Russia which lead to his eventual demise in a manner more spectacular that the Western allies could ever contribute towards. That is in no way intended to diminish the role of Britain Canada, the US, India, Australia, South Africa.... its just that the Ruskies bled Germany dry... ehhh, its like being back at school!

From my own point of view, I hail from Belgian monks bought over to christianise the populace with stoops of raspberry ale and a lift of a crusty cassock sometime around the year 1000...

The Vikings were a bit naughty though, but soon settled down to farm and shag our women legitimately.

Ah no, Kevin-san - the Normans were invited in by an aristocracy fed up with the Saxons and likewise the Romans were invited to fix our roads...

I thought all Americans (bar the indigenous lot not culled by the whities) were effectively illegal immigrants anyhow... lol

As an ice-breaker one cannot beat a good old fashioned knob-gag!