Danielj 1 Report post Posted March 3, 2007 His shoulder is damp with blood His feet soaked from the snow There's a fire to warm him up just 2 miles away But the fire in his heart is down to coals already And he's a peacekeeper with the safety off. He's a little mouse in a cobra's cage. He's a small light in a sea of white. Forced to be a martyr but he'll put up a fight He's got a .22 in his pocket holster A Swiss Army shoved down his boot His best friend is hangin from his shoulder He's got his M16 locked and ready to shoot And he's a peacekeeper with the safety off. He's a little mouse in a cobra's cage. He's a small light in a sea of white Forced to be a martyr but he'll put up a fight Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Fish 0 Report post Posted March 4, 2007 Ah! I love it! Need I say any more? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
_Laurie_ 11 Report post Posted March 4, 2007 Your words set the scene perfectly....good job! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Uncle Joe 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2007 Excellent! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin 3 Report post Posted March 6, 2007 Agreed , Daniel - very good ! I would offer a few suggestions , though , if I may : The .22 : Seems a little low in caliber . Aren't front-line troops equipped with more firepower ? Or is that what they use ? The 'Swiss army shoved in his boot' : I assume you mean a combat knife , right ? I would suggest using ' a lethal ( or deadly , 12" ) blade ' or something like that instead . Most may think of the Swiss pocket-knife rather than a military dagger , I think . It also gives a ' tougher' image , IMO . As well , after the previous stanza , I would start the next with ' But he's a peacekeeper ... etc. ' rather than 'and' to set up an interesting contrast between how he appears but with what he is charged with doing - an oxymoron ? . Just some thoughts . I really like this ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
edna 6 Report post Posted March 6, 2007 Daniel, it´s great to see your evolution... You know I´m your fan!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Steel2Velvet 0 Report post Posted March 7, 2007 I like the compact quality to this Daniel. Excellent piece. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
