Twenty plus four of the ticking hours later and we're still here.

[Blue Fish 0]

Twenty plus four of the ticking hours later and we're still here.

Standing by the empty grave tears in my eyes

you know I know he knows she knows

all of us and them, us and them, us and them

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

he goes home and we go down

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

we go on but he goes down

Twenty plus four Twenty plus four

he must go down we must go down

Empty gaves and empty hearts

both are wide wide wide

Morning, moaning crying, sighing

Down down down down...

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

he goes home and we go down

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

we go on but he goes down

Twenty plus four Twenty plus four

he must go down we must go down

Dig up the dirt and so the heart is opened

digging up the dirt, and so the grave is wide

digging up the dirt down down deep

weep for your soul, for your heart for your grave..

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

he goes home and we go down

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

we go on but he goes down

Twenty plus four Twenty plus four

he must go down we must go down

standing by the empty grave tears in my eyes

wide and deep and oh so black

I stood here through the night

you know I know he knows she knows

twenty plus four of the ticking hours later

what the hell are we doing still here?

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

he goes home and we go down

Twenty plus four, Twenty plus four

we go on but he goes down

Twenty plus four Twenty plus four

he must go down we must go down.....

[Jenny 2]

I can't put my finger on what it is I like about this, but I do like it. I know that's not very constructive, but I just wanted to let you know that I liked this.

[Uncle Joe 0]

Strangely, so do I (and I'm not sure what it's about).

[blind-fitter 0]

Without doubt, one of my favourite discoveries in the Creative Writing forum.

Great stuff!

(Splendid title as well)

[_Laurie_ 11]

I like it...very clever!

[Shawna 1]

Wonderful, Bloof. This is a hit song in the making, for sure. It's vivid, compelling, and I can almost hear the melody in my head. I like the subtlety, as well. You make a hard point while not spoon-feeding answers. Well done.

[Blue Fish 0]

Whoa, thanks! I expected it to get slated, I wasn't to sure of it. In fact, I was going to throw it away once I'd written it, but I thought I'll see what you guys think...I may keep it now!

[Kevin 3]

Wonderful, Bloof. This is a hit song in the making, for sure. It's vivid, compelling, and I can almost hear the melody in my head. I like the subtlety, as well. You make a hard point while not spoon-feeding answers. Well done.

It's very good - however , I'd caution you about Shawna's comments . She's ALWAYS hearing 'melodies' in her head ( if you know what I mean ... )

[Blue Fish 0]

[blind-fitter 0]

... I was going to throw it away once I'd written it, but I thought I'll see what you guys think...I may keep it now!

If you don't want it, I could maybe make use of it. What says you?

[Blue Fish 0]

i says wait until Ollie meets up with me and makes a melody to go with it, if it works I'm keeping it, if it doesn't, it's yours!

[blind-fitter 0]

Melodies? Who needs'em?!

Edited February 22, 2007 by Guest

[Steel2Velvet 0]

The quiet air is heard and dark mood is visible as this is read. Great imagery achievement, Bloof!