Mairi Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 I wrote this last night(13/02/05), tell me your thoughts, constructive criticsm, etc. Quel Est Votre Raison? "Happy Valentine's Day, my love" As you rip out my recycable heart All my compassion seeping out Through salty tears as we part Whistle while i walk alone Your favourite tune; my dying embrace Heart filtering down to the unknown depths of my stomach to form the sullen expression on my face Eyes blinded by transparent blood With this repetitive, repulsive anguish Stormy clouds in my thunderous mind Screaming aloud my only wish For you to want to be close Why do you lie about wanting me most? Quel est votre raison? "I care about you, please look after me" When you stumble senselessly near My throat burning with words i long to say Silenced by my overwhelming fear Plant the happy memories in my mind My youthful naivety, so distant now Soothing the shrieking infant bleeding inside Remembering my broken sacred vow Eyes blinded by transparent blood With this repetitive, repulsive anguish Stormy clouds in my thunderous mind Screaming aloud my only wish For you to want to be close Why do you lie about wanting me most? Quel est votre raison? "I love you, truthfully and fully" As I gasp and cover my mouth Biting my tongue, wishing I hadn't said anything You turn around from heading south Few moments pass while the words replay in your mind Contemplating, now registering; "Why?" I mutter standard nothingness Walking away: my silent goodbye Eyes blinded by transparent blood With this repetitive, repulsive anguish Stormy clouds in my thunderous mind Screaming aloud my only wish For you to want to be close Why do you lie about wanting me most? Quel est votre raison? Quel est votre raison? A whispered answer "ma raison vous est" Tell me what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiggsUK Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 Wonderfully written Mairi. Does it mean that the author is driving the other person away and doesn't know it until it is too late? Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XXX Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 Ooh. That stung! Well-written, nonetheless. I like to comment also on the technical fact that it was written on February the 13th Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 What does "Quel est votre raison" mean? I sounds to me like a classic case of a boy and a girl where the girl is heart broken because the boy does not apparently want to be with her anymore. I really like the story line and the word usage is wonderful. I like songs that aren't simple and plain, and this is definitely not simple and plain. But I still don't know what that line means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible_r Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 What does "Quel est votre raison" mean? I sounds to me like a classic case of a boy and a girl where the girl is heart broken because the boy does not apparently want to be with her anymore. I really like the story line and the word usage is wonderful. I like songs that aren't simple and plain, and this is definitely not simple and plain. But I still don't know what that line means. whats your reason Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiggsUK Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 I think it means 'what is your reason?', but my Franglais isn't up to much these days. Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 Okay thank you. What language is that? I don't even know how to pronounce it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible_r Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 its french Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 As you rip out my recycable heart All my compassion seeping out Through salty tears as we part Whistle while i walk alone Your favourite tune; my dying embrace Heart filtering down to the unknown depths of my stomach to form the sullen expression on my face I like these lines the best. The way you put words together is amazing, Mairi. Keep writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XXX Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 I think it means 'what is your reason?', but my Franglais isn't up to much these days. Regards Yes, but would you use "votre" for your s.o.? Wouldn't you use "ta raison d'etre" when speaking to someone you're less formal with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth-Angel Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 My youthful naivety, so distant now Soothing the shrieking infant bleeding inside Remembering my broken sacred vow Good writing Mairi, although these lines confuse me slightly...I believe I understand it, but it's not 100% :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible_r Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 Yes, but would you use "votre" for your s.o.? Wouldn't you use "ta raison d'etre" when speaking to someone you're less formal with? yeah you re right. now that i think about it, shouldnt it be quelle? damn those years of not speaking french! where did my sorbonne level french go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mairi Posted February 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 Damn internet translators.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XXX Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 My name is babelfish and I translate stuff... badly Le jour de Valentine heureux, mon amour car vous déchirez hors de mon coeur recycable toute ma compassion s'infiltrant dehors par les larmes salées pendant que nous pièce sifflent tandis que je seul marche votre air de favori ; ma mort embrassent le coeur filtrant vers le bas aux profondeurs inconnues de mon estomac pour former sullen l'expression sur mon visage It just sounds so... so French Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiggsUK Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 Smartass! Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazooka Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 Damn internet translators.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 yeah you re right. now that i think about it, shouldnt it be quelle? damn those years of not speaking french! where did my sorbonne level french go? It should be "Quelle est vôtre raison", as "raison" is "she" (we have genres in French grammar...), and you can call that person "toi" or "vous" (that doesn´t exist in english neither...) "Vous" means respect as "toi" means familar. Rachel, you went to the Sorbonne? I studied a couple of years there, Russian phyllology... ( :sleepy:) let´s make a deal: I´ll be your French and Spanish translator and you correct my broken English, OK? ... though I love my broken English... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible_r Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 no, i studied french for 10 years and i have various language diplomas, one of which is from the sorbonne, the exam is set by the sorbonne etc. only i havent spoken french in 5 years so... im a bit crap now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 I studied English in French School (five years, didn´t pay much attention...) and had to learn the rest by myself, like this... and talking and working and reading and blah blah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 We all love your broken English Helena! Rachel, you spent 10 years studying French? Damn, I spent 3 years studying Spanish and couldn't handle it anymore. Well, at least I have speaking American down to a science...! They call it "English" in school, but it's really not English at all. They should call it "American-English" because that's what they end up teaching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 I can´t see that much difference, really... only when I went to see "Robin Hood" at the cinema and Kevin Costner was Robin, talking with american accent... :: Damn internet translators.... Mairi, I like your poem. It´s perfect for a song. I guess it´s a bad case of heartbreak... sorry I didn´t tell you before. Maybe you could put music too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible_r Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 We all love your broken English Helena! Rachel, you spent 10 years studying French? Damn, I spent 3 years studying Spanish and couldn't handle it anymore. Well, at least I have speaking American down to a science...! They call it "English" in school, but it's really not English at all. They should call it "American-English" because that's what they end up teaching. you would be very popular with british people for saying that, my boyfriend always complains about the way american people talk! anyway, sorry mairi for discussing other things in this thread, its a lovely song! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 anyway, sorry mairi for discussing other things in this thread, its a lovely song! Oh, that happens very often, rachel... :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mairi Posted February 16, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 I don't mind, just glad people took the time to read it and it's making them think. Thanks folks. :rockon:You all rock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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