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Pull the Plug


Ender
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Pull the plug

and cut the cord

let me know

were something more

unlock the door

start a war

to see if were

worth fighting for

Pull the plug

forget my name

make believe

i never came

Pull the plug

and fight the fear

say the word

i wont come near

think your thoughts

til they come clear

let them creep

in through my ear

Pull the plug

and hit the lights

let this room

fall to the night

close your eyes

drift in sleep

than come to me

in real life

or in a dream

Pull the plug

forget my name

make believe

i never came

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^^^^^ picky! ;)

I quite like the use of short simplistic phrases, and the fact that your meaning remains open to interpretation.

What I find slightly puzzling is that it is so tightly rhythmic all the way through, then in the penultimate verse, there is suddenly a line which doesn't scan. Sounds jarring.

Edited by Guest
make use of the word "penultimate"
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It is jarring. It also says "Here, I'll put these words in there and don't care if they fit in the meter."

The entire poem has this great cadence ...

Pull the plug

and hit the lights

let this room

fall to the night

and rythmic beat to it ...

close your eyes

drift in sleep

than come to me

...then it all comes apart

in real life

or in a dream

You have a great poem here. You can make it work. Don't give up so quickly.

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