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Pretty Little Lines


Mairi
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I dunno...something i just wrote, not a song or poem, just....a release. Written about 2 minutes ago.

Stop kidding yourself...no one will ever realise you're real, Mairi. No one will ever love you, no one will like you for you, just the person on the outside. No one sees what I see. The person who has countless flaws; who is so alone even when surrounded by many; who dies when *someone* mentions the girl the *someone* is destined to be with. No one knows what it is like to KNOW that the person you love already has found his soulmate. And it isn't me. It isn't me and it hurts. More than you'll ever know. Because you can't, you in your happy sectioned off lives, oblivious to the torment going right in front of you, ripping my heart to shreds and then taking those shreds and forcing me to take action on myself. Just little lines proving how much i LOATHE myself. Little lines. Pretty little lines that may fade in time but right now they glow with the fire inside bursting to get out but the outer Mairi won't let her. She must suffocate and die slowly in vain.Repress....just repress until someone...anyone will care. Someone who i care for. The one person i would most definitely kill myself for if it made them the slightest bit happier doesn't care. He just doesn't and it hurts to be "just a friend". I hope i die before i have to see him and his soulmate unite forever. I hope their standing over my dead body before they stand at the altar. But would it really matter? Would anyone really care? No. No one would because no one notices. No one notices the pretty little lines.

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Mairi, honey, big hugs to you. It's not easy and it feels like that deep aching will never ever subside and no one can tell you otherwise, but you will be able to move on and life will seem brighter once again. I know where you are and I have walked that path too. And I did get over it and on with it. It wasn't easy and I thought my heart would explode at the sight of him and her together, and I was forced to every week, but I eventually realised that things could be different and better. And when they broke up, I wasn't there for him to fall back on anymore.

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Think of it this way: your soulmate and his intended will very likely not unite forever...and your soulmate in this life will most likely not be your soulmate in real life....

My soulmate is a plain, sagging middle aged cancer survivor who suffers from crushing depression. Hers is an amoral, job-obsessed functional alcoholic. We found each other just 4 years ago, well into our third lives. When one of us is gone, we both know the survivor will find another.

A line from an old movie comes to mind:

"You are not my first love. You are not my great love, but you are my last love."

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mairi, young people go through what you wrote once every two years or so...then it´s supposed to happen only once every eight years!! Good news is that, as you say, this feeling will fade in time... yet your pain is so true right now...

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Seeing the person you think of as your soulmate with another isn't easy. I live it every day as you are Mairi.

It does get easier, I didn't think I would be able to see them together, but every day I see them, and every day it becomes more acceptable. You may not want it to become acceptable, but to live your life you must be able to think that at this point in your life, the one you love is with another. It may change, it may not, but please don't do what I've done for the last few years and believe he is the only one.

It hurts, it hurts like hell. Big hugs. hug2.gif

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