Tony Baloni Posted February 9, 2010 Report Share Posted February 9, 2010 Listen to it here! I was looking everywhere that fear could be Because there was a part of me That wanted me to see That you can't turn your back on vulnerability I was feeling as profound as stomachs can I was healing all the wounds innate in man But something kept stealing my hands and forcing them to open up again It's not fair, I swear it's not These are the things you thought you forgot Every thought you think you see Is really just a memory I was preying on my weakest dares I was praying to a god who wasn't there And all I learned to ask, was How could this be happening so fast? I was breathing, electronic symphony I was seething, smoldering cacophony And all I learned to hear was how could this happening right here It's so real, I feel it is These are the things that our words won't admit All of your identity Is really just a memory I was talking into my future ears I was stalking my own voice in the air And something that myself told I, is Do not believe anything I say! I was trying to understand the dark I was lying in a dystopian and I thought I heard them say That you can't tell when the night turns into day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted February 9, 2010 Report Share Posted February 9, 2010 you da bomb, yo :fingersnaps: :gangstahands: :subcultural confusion: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted February 9, 2010 Report Share Posted February 9, 2010 first impression after the first listen: (while writing this post I was listening the second time) the guitar hook is great, only the intro was scratching in my speakers... maybe a bit too loud? the best part was the passage from first chorus to second verse (1:15 - 1:25) - I dig stuff like that also it reminds me of some song... can't think of the name now speaking of chorus, the bass line is a bit too dynamic for the slowness of it, but that's just me vocals are really good... really And something that myself told I, is Do not believe anything I say! best line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J Hill Posted February 11, 2010 Report Share Posted February 11, 2010 (edited) +'d 2 FB, but still I can't hear it. That's ok, b'cuz I really like the words "Every thought you think you see Is really just a memory" & "...you can't tell when the night turns into day". A day indeed is not over, good stuff TB! Edited February 11, 2010 by Guest one or three certain words Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuzikTyme Posted February 17, 2010 Report Share Posted February 17, 2010 It's a very good poem, Tony. But if you don't mind constructive criticism I'll add what I think. I think your focus is trying to rhyme every verse. I'm a terrible writer but I learned long ago that nothing is perfect. How many people have overlooked an orchid while searching for a rose? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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