poetrychick Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 An Inquiry: Do I Love Him? To me he is: A calm pond, Round on all edges, Cool to the touch. And when I bend down To gaze into him, Instead of seeing my own reflection I stare into an abyss, Dark and deep. I stir the water with my light touch, Softly dipping my fingers Into the black; As if to bless myself upon entering a holy place. I touch my fingers, Wet with him, To my dry lips. I want an honest opinion, is this one good at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuzikTyme Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 Honestly, I wasn't impressed. But, by all means, keep writing!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarcM Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 Well, it is certainly better than anything that I could come up with. I kind of felt like I was reading something I was not supposed to, like a journal. Now I feel a little creepy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 The guy you write about will surely be turned on if he gets to read this...except maybe for the abyss part. I understand what you mean, Marc. Makes one feel a bit of a voyeur. But good writing will do that. I agree with Muzik too, PoeChick. Keep writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLizard Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 If you ever read this to a guy, make sure he has a condom on him. I'm sorry, I'll shut up now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 intriguing... upon first reading it, I had interpreted it as a religious piece. But now that the guys have had a say, I can see their point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarcM Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 It could be about a religious experience..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 The last three lines are pretty amazing...I wouldn't change them. The part about looking into the abyss gives the poem a little ambiguity. You don't know if losing herself for this guy is good or bad, but either way, she is enjoying the feeling. Very good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poetrychick Posted July 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 I do my best to find a medium between Poe and Conrad, not that Conrad is famous for poetry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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