This one is alright

[poetrychick]

An Inquiry: Do I Love Him?

To me he is:

A calm pond,

Round on all edges,

Cool to the touch.

And when I bend down

To gaze into him,

Instead of seeing my own reflection

I stare into an abyss,

Dark and deep.

I stir the water with my light touch,

Softly dipping my fingers

Into the black;

As if to bless myself upon entering a holy place.

I touch my fingers,

Wet with him,

To my dry lips.

I want an honest opinion, is this one good at all?

[MuzikTyme]

Honestly, I wasn't impressed.

But, by all means, keep writing!!!

[MarcM]

Well, it is certainly better than anything that I could come up with. I kind of felt like I was reading something I was not supposed to, like a journal. Now I feel a little creepy....

[Uncle Joe]

The guy you write about will surely be turned on if he gets to read this...except maybe for the abyss part.

I understand what you mean, Marc. Makes one feel a bit of a voyeur. But good writing will do that.

I agree with Muzik too, PoeChick. Keep writing.

[TheLizard]

If you ever read this to a guy, make sure he has a condom on him.

I'm sorry, I'll shut up now.

[Shawna]

intriguing... upon first reading it, I had interpreted it as a religious piece.

But now that the guys have had a say, I can see their point.

[MarcM]

It could be about a religious experience.....

[Jenny]

The last three lines are pretty amazing...I wouldn't change them.

The part about looking into the abyss gives the poem a little ambiguity. You don't know if losing herself for this guy is good or bad, but either way, she is enjoying the feeling.

Very good work!

[poetrychick]

I do my best to find a medium between Poe and Conrad, not that Conrad is famous for poetry.