The Fire

[Rayzor 1]

It feels so hot

Difficult to touch

Just like the pressure

It's far too much

The time draws near

To enter the fire

So much destruction

Lay in the mire

I cannot move

Overcome by fear

But I press forward

To find my dear

Beyond my death

I step into hell

The devil laughs now

And tolls his bell

I see her there

Engulfed in the flame

Forever I'm damned

To do the same

Tonight I'll dream

Of a fire so hot

I'll try to save her

Then I'll be caught

Every night

It's the same nightmare

I'm always too late

Always ensnared

[Wyld Card 5]

This is really good. I took it as a metaphoric passage for being involved with someone, who always presents dramatic risk, but the temptation overrides it.

[Rayzor 1]

Dude! That's something I kept seeing during my re-writes. Initially I was trying for something different, but the lure of passion getting some dude to forever return to a loveless relationship kept over-riding my first idea for this tune.

Thanks for the props WC guru!

[Steel2Velvet 0]

Good ideas, well presented.

My only thought is on something i mentioned to you before. In the first two stanzas, there are 4 "the" articles preceding significant nouns. If you replaced each of those with a creatively descriptive adjective, this piece could have even more impact.

I like the immediacy in this, Ray.

[Rayzor 1]

Thanks S2V!

I wrote this one before you gave me your insight & it has since changed slightly.

Always happy to hear your thoughts!