Rayzor Posted September 20, 2013 Report Posted September 20, 2013 It feels so hot Difficult to touch Just like the pressure It's far too much The time draws near To enter the fire So much destruction Lay in the mire I cannot move Overcome by fear But I press forward To find my dear Beyond my death I step into hell The devil laughs now And tolls his bell I see her there Engulfed in the flame Forever I'm damned To do the same Tonight I'll dream Of a fire so hot I'll try to save her Then I'll be caught Every night It's the same nightmare I'm always too late Always ensnared
MindCrime Posted September 20, 2013 Report Posted September 20, 2013 This is really good. I took it as a metaphoric passage for being involved with someone, who always presents dramatic risk, but the temptation overrides it.
Rayzor Posted September 20, 2013 Author Report Posted September 20, 2013 Dude! That's something I kept seeing during my re-writes. Initially I was trying for something different, but the lure of passion getting some dude to forever return to a loveless relationship kept over-riding my first idea for this tune. Thanks for the props WC guru!
Steel2Velvet Posted October 9, 2013 Report Posted October 9, 2013 Good ideas, well presented. My only thought is on something i mentioned to you before. In the first two stanzas, there are 4 "the" articles preceding significant nouns. If you replaced each of those with a creatively descriptive adjective, this piece could have even more impact. I like the immediacy in this, Ray.
Rayzor Posted October 15, 2013 Author Report Posted October 15, 2013 Thanks S2V! I wrote this one before you gave me your insight & it has since changed slightly. Always happy to hear your thoughts!
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