EagleEye0 Posted August 11, 2005 Report Share Posted August 11, 2005 Vagabond Virgin Are you ready to fly ? Are you ready to leave me? Are you ready to cry? Vagabond Virgin please depart Before destroy my already broken heart Where will you go? What will you see? A reflection of me in South China Seas or the ripple that clouds the image Be Good Be well I hope your travels spare you hell And elevate you to that better apartment of life That I vie to visit throughout my years of strife I writhe in despondence And they offer no lament And you are back on the high bridge And I am in the tunnel The tunnel is good for I will get to the other side The bridge is sturdy, but you are not Don?t fall of the edge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth-Angel Posted August 11, 2005 Report Share Posted August 11, 2005 The first 12 lines work together, but it starts falling apart as it reaches the end. And you are back on the high bridge And I am in the tunnel The tunnel is good for I will get to the other side The bridge is sturdy, but you are not Don?t fall of the edge These could work well, but they need restructuring. Perhaps pulling your metaphor together instead of introducing new sub-metaphors might work better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EagleEye0 Posted August 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 yea, got to alter that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now