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Vagabond Virgin


EagleEye0
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Vagabond Virgin

Are you ready to fly ?

Are you ready to leave me?

Are you ready to cry?

Vagabond Virgin please depart

Before destroy my already broken heart

Where will you go?

What will you see?

A reflection of me in South China Seas

or the ripple that clouds the image

Be Good

Be well

I hope your travels spare you hell

And elevate you to that better apartment of life

That I vie to visit throughout my years of strife

I writhe in despondence

And they offer no lament

And you are back on the high bridge

And I am in the tunnel

The tunnel is good for I will get to the other side

The bridge is sturdy, but you are not

Don?t fall of the edge

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The first 12 lines work together, but it starts falling apart as it reaches the end.

And you are back on the high bridge

And I am in the tunnel

The tunnel is good for I will get to the other side

The bridge is sturdy, but you are not

Don?t fall of the edge

These could work well, but they need restructuring. Perhaps pulling your metaphor together instead of introducing new sub-metaphors might work better :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

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