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DESIRES


Sweet Jane 61
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Excellent rhythm and flow, Jane. Very clever in construction, as well. Don't think you need the "a" before fervor, which busts the well thought out three word sequence in the last line of each stanza. I know that seems picky, but this piece deserves the attention. It is truly special.

Good to read you.

(also, if mine, I might add "time's a culprit") clever line, that one

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^^ or "time, a culprit." Which I actually prefer (with the comma) :)

Well done. I like a piece that can be about anything in life. And this one speaks of art, of love, of gardens, of anything one is passionate about. I even thought about children in the first two stanzas.

Nice. :)

Edit: The entire thing could be about childhood, really. Or raising kids, which is what this makes me think of more than anything.

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