Sweet Jane 61 1 Report post Posted August 20, 2013 DESIRES a want a need a hunger appetites to feed every second every minute every hour time a culprit the look the touch the kiss craving so much we yearn we beckon we desire a fervor has begun it's passionate it's breathless it's exhilarating euphoria is limitless Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Steel2Velvet 0 Report post Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) Excellent rhythm and flow, Jane. Very clever in construction, as well. Don't think you need the "a" before fervor, which busts the well thought out three word sequence in the last line of each stanza. I know that seems picky, but this piece deserves the attention. It is truly special. Good to read you. (also, if mine, I might add "time's a culprit") clever line, that one Edited August 21, 2013 by Guest Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shawna 1 Report post Posted August 21, 2013 ^^ or "time, a culprit." Which I actually prefer (with the comma) Well done. I like a piece that can be about anything in life. And this one speaks of art, of love, of gardens, of anything one is passionate about. I even thought about children in the first two stanzas. Nice. Edit: The entire thing could be about childhood, really. Or raising kids, which is what this makes me think of more than anything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin1429030929 0 Report post Posted August 24, 2013 (edited) You must be getting old ,Shawna. It seems she has clearly , and nicely, stated she's horny, imo. A very good poem, Jane. I'm a fan of this one . I know the feeling . Edited August 24, 2013 by Guest Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Jane 61 1 Report post Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks Ron. It was one of those poems that just seemed to flow easily. I did heistate with the "a" in front of fevor, I took it off and then put it back. Now that I keep looking at it and rereading, it is best without. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Jane 61 1 Report post Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks Shawna, but Kevin is right...it is about lust and desire. Basically a desire for someone over the years and finally meeting to quench the desire, if only for a brief time. We all have felt this way at one or more times in life. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rayzor 1 Report post Posted September 14, 2013 Nice! Feels like I've read this before... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
