DESIRES

[Sweet Jane 61 1]

DESIRES

a want

a need

a hunger

appetites to feed

every second

every minute

every hour

time a culprit

the look

the touch

the kiss

craving so much

we yearn

we beckon

we desire

a fervor has begun

it's passionate

it's breathless

it's exhilarating

euphoria is limitless

[Steel2Velvet 0]

Excellent rhythm and flow, Jane. Very clever in construction, as well. Don't think you need the "a" before fervor, which busts the well thought out three word sequence in the last line of each stanza. I know that seems picky, but this piece deserves the attention. It is truly special.

Good to read you.

(also, if mine, I might add "time's a culprit") clever line, that one

Edited August 21, 2013 by Guest

[Shawna 1]

^^ or "time, a culprit." Which I actually prefer (with the comma)

Well done. I like a piece that can be about anything in life. And this one speaks of art, of love, of gardens, of anything one is passionate about. I even thought about children in the first two stanzas.

Nice.

Edit: The entire thing could be about childhood, really. Or raising kids, which is what this makes me think of more than anything.

[Kevin1429030929 0]

You must be getting old ,Shawna. It seems she has clearly , and nicely, stated she's horny, imo.

A very good poem, Jane. I'm a fan of this one . I know the feeling .

Edited August 24, 2013 by Guest

[Sweet Jane 61 1]

Thanks Ron. It was one of those poems that just seemed to flow easily. I did heistate with the "a" in front of fevor, I took it off and then put it back. Now that I keep looking at it and rereading, it is best without.

[Sweet Jane 61 1]

Thanks Shawna, but Kevin is right...it is about lust and desire. Basically a desire for someone over the years and finally meeting to quench the desire, if only for a brief time. We all have felt this way at one or more times in life.

[Rayzor 1]

Nice!

Feels like I've read this before...