Ken

She's 16 fachrissakes. How 'long' can that longterm relationship be? I bet I have a package of Mrs. Paul's Fishsticks in my freezer older than that relationship.... I saw somewhere recently (CNN?) "How to tell your children about Jamie Lynn Spears......" and I thought, uh, how about, "She's a skank, and pass the fishsticks, thanks." Ken. Wow.

Well, it sure is nice down here this time of year The tourists are tanned and there's holiday cheer Here comes Santa Claus, havin' a tropical Christmas I'm mailin' out cards to the great frozen North Sweatin' from the energy I could force In jingle bells, havin' a tropical Christmas And when the Sun sets down in the ocean We'll decorate the palm trees We'll mingle ornaments with coconut lights Then we'll go caroling through paradise And thank Baby Jesus for this tropical silent night First we'll open our presents, then we'll lay on the beach Later we'll call, see what relatives we reach In their winter wonderland, havin' a tropical Christmas And when the Sun sets down in the ocean We'll decorate the palm tree We'll mingle ornaments with coconut lights Then we'll go caroling through paradise And thank Baby Jesus for this tropical silent night Hey Kris Kringle, when you empty your sleigh Stop by and kick back, with us a few days You and Rudolph, havin' a tropical Christmas We'll build a snowman in sand, havin' a tropical Christmas Grandma wants a new bikini, havin' a tropical Christmas Y'all come on down, we'll have a tropical Christmas Bring your suntan oil, havin' a tropical Christmas Let their be peace on Earth, havin' a tropical Christmas Bring some surfboards for the kids ..............,

Three Days Grace Gone Forever Don't know what's going on Don't know what went wrong Feels like a hundred years I Still can't believe you're gone So I'll stay up all night With these bloodshot eyes While these walls surround me with the story of our life I feel so much better Now that you're gone forever I tell myself that I don't miss you at all I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now That you're gone forever Now things are coming clear And I don't need you here And in this world around me I'm glad you disappeared So I'll stay out all night Get drunk and f***ing fight Until the morning comes I'll Forget about our life I feel so much better Now that you're gone forever I tell myself that I don't miss you at all I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now That you're gone forever First time you screamed at me I should have made you leave I should have known it could be so much better I hope you're missing me I hope I've made you see That I'm gone forever And now it's coming clear That I don't need you here And in this world around me I'm glad you disappeared I feel so much better Now that you're gone forever I tell myself that I don't miss you at all I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now That you're gone forever And now you're gone forever And now you're gone forever

Reel Big Fish "The Jokes On Me" The old days were no fun Im not sorry that they're gone I don't miss them and I won't miss them and it was always wrong Everything I've ever done From the beginning and to the ending and things never got better, it seems like forever Since we had fun or maybe I never have fun And this whole time! I've been around One minute up! and a hundred down uhhh ohhh Keep on laughing, Keep attacking I'll show you what it means To keep on lying, Keep denying That there's nothing good in me I'm not worthless, I know you heard this My life's a joke and the joke's on me The joke's on me You were always lame, a headache and a pain I don't miss you and I won't miss you I tried not to get bitter but I was such a quitter Oh yeah I had dreams but they were only ever bad dreams And this whole time! I've been around One minute up! and a hundred down uhhh ohhh Keep on laughing, Keep attacking I'll show you what it means To keep on lying, Keep denying That there's nothing good in me I'm not worthless, I know you heard this My life's a joke and the joke's on me The joke's on me, The joke's on me... Well there never were any good old days Looking back I'm still amazed How everything went wrong in every way There were no good old days Well there never were any good old days Looking back I'm still amazed That everything went wrong in every way There were no good old days [2x] And this whole time! I've been around One minute up! and a hundred down uhhh ohhh Keep on laughing, Keep attacking I'll show you what it means To keep on lying, Keep denying That there's nothing good in me I'm not worthless, I know you heard this My life's a joke and the joke's on me...

That's one of the best pictures of Mike I've ever seen. Damn near 5 years here me and you now, isn't it.... Happy Anniversary Brother.

Hiya Morg. Long time, no see. Kinda like sliding up to a long-lost brother and asking him to pass the beer nuts, no? Peace.

Let's Talk DIrty In Hawaiian John Prine Well, I packed my bags and bought myself a ticket For the land of the tall palm tree Aloha Old Milwaukee, Hello Waikiki I just stepped down from the airplane When I heard her say, "Waka waka nuka licka, waka waka nuka licka Would you like a lei? Eh?" Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Whisper in my ear Kicka pooka mok a wa wahini Are the words I long to hear Lay your coconut on my tiki What the hecka mooka mooka dear Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Say the words I long to hear It's a ukulele Honolulu sunset Listen to the grass skirts sway Drinking rum from a pineapple Out on Honolulu Bay The steel guitars all playing While she's talking with her hands Gimme gimme oka doka make a wish and wanta polka Words I understand Hey! Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Whisper in my ear Kicka pooka mok a wa wahini Are the words I long to hear Lay your coconut on my tiki What the hecka mooka mooka dear Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Say the words I long to hear Well, I boughta lota junka with my moolah And sent it to the folks back home I never had the chance to dance the hula Well, I guess I should have known When you start talking to the sweet wahini Walking in the pale moonlight Ohka noka whatta setta knocka-rocka-sis-boom-boccas Hope I said it right Oh! Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Whisper in my ear Kicka pooka mok a wa wahini Are the words I long to hear Lay your coconut on my tiki What the hecka mooka mooka dear Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Say the words I long to hear Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Say the words I long to hear Aloooooooooooha!!!

IF you have an extra $178,000 lying around.. The Titanic Watch Happy shopping!

My son and I last Monday at the Holy Land, Cleveland, Ohio.

Arrested Development Mr. Wendal Here, have a dollar, in fact no brotherman here, have two Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you Be strong, serve God only, know that if you do, beautiful heaven awaits That's the poem I wrote for the first time I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate Mr.Wendal, that's his name, no one ever knew his name cause he's a no-one Never thought twice about spending on a ol' bum, until I had the chance to really get to know one Now that I know him, to give him money isn't charity He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes And to think blacks spend all that money on big colleges, still most of y'all come out confused [CHORUS:] Go ahead, Mr.Wendal (2x) Mr.Wendal has freedom, a free that you and I think is dumb Free to be without the worries of a quick to diss society for Mr.Wendal's a bum His only worries are sickness and an occasional harassment by the police and their chase Uncivilized we call him, but I just saw him eat off the food we waste Civilization, are we really civilized, yes or no ? Who are we to judge ? When thousands of innocent men could be brutally enslaved and killed over a racist grudge Mr.Wendal has tried to warn us about our ways but we don't hear him talk Is it his fault when we've gone too far, and we got too far, cause on him we walk Mr.Wendal, a man, a human in flesh, but not by law I feed you dignity to stand with pride, realize that all in all you stand tall Mr.Wendal, yeah yeah yeah, Lord, Mr.Wendal

A boy and his guitar...

UB40's Kingston Town has a great hook. And Beenieman's King Of The Dancehall has a hook that takes weeks to get out of your head...

UB40's "Red Red Wine" has an awesome hook. As does Johnny Nash's "Hold Me Tight".... And this has an awesome hook. Listen to that cheerful guitar line playing along underneath.......

He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) Alice Cooper You're with your baby And you're parked alone On a summer night You're deep in love But you're deeper in the woods You think you're doin' alright Did you hear that voice Did you see that face Or was it just a dream This can't be real That only happens, babe On the movie screen Oh, but he's back He's the man behind the mask And he's out of control He's back The man behind the mask And he crawled out of his hole You're swimmin' with your girl Out on lovers' lake And the wind blows cold It chills your bones But you're still on the make That's a bad mistake But the moon was full And you had a chance To be all alone But you're not alone This is your last dance And your last romance Yeah, cause he's back He's the man behind the mask And he's out of control He's back The man behind the mask And he crawled out of his hole Oh, if you see him comin' Get away if you can Just keep on runnin' Run as fast as you can He's a dangerous, dangerous man And he's out tonight And he's watchin' you And he knows your house No, don't turn out the lights Yeah, cause he's back He's the man behind the mask And he's out of control He's back The man behind the mask And he's after your soul He's back He's the man behind the mask And he's out of control He's back The man behind the mask And he's after your soul He's back He's the man behind the mask And he's out of control He's back The man behind the mask And he's after your soul

This Is Halloween From Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas [sHADOW] Boys and girls of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange? [sIAMESE SHADOW] Come with us and you will see This, our town of Halloween [PUMPKIN PATCH CHORUS] This is Halloween, this is Halloween Pumpkins scream in the dead of night [GHOSTS] This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween [CREATURE UNDER THE BED] I am the one hiding under your bed Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red [MAN UNDER THE STAIRS] I am the one hiding under yours stairs Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair [CORPSE CHORUS] This is Halloween, this is Halloween [VAMPIRES] Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song [MAYOR] In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise [CORPSE CHORUS] Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll... [HARLEQUIN DEMON, WEREWOLF & MELTING MAN] Scream! This is Halloween Red 'n' black, slimy green [WEREWOLF] Aren't you scared? [WITCHES] Well, that's just fine Say it once, say it twice Take a chance and roll the dice Ride with the moon in the dead of night [HANGING TREE] Everybody scream, everbody scream [HANGED MEN] In our town of Halloween! [CLOWN] I am the clown with the tear-away face Here in a flash and gone without a trace [sECOND GHOUL] I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?" I am the wind blowing through your hair [OOGIE BOOGIE SHADOW] I am the shadow on the moon at night Filling your dreams to the brim with fright [CORPSE CHORUS] This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! [CHILD CORPSE TRIO] Tender lumplings everywhere Life's no fun without a good scare [PARENT CORPSES] That's our job, but we're not mean In our town of Halloween [CORPSE CHORUS] In this town [MAYOR] Don't we love it now? [CORPSE CHORUS] Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back And scream like a banshee Make you jump out of your skin This is Halloween, everyone scream Won't ya please make way for a very special guy? Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King [EVERYONE] This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! [CORPSE CHILD TRIO] In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song [EVERYONE] La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! [Repeat]

Put another log on the fire. Cook me up some bacon and some beans. And go out to the car and change the tyre. Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans. Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe, And then go fetch my slippers. And boil me up another pot of tea. Then put another log on the fire, babe, And come and tell me why you're leaving me. Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday? Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat? Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday? Well, a man can't love a woman more than that. Ain't I always nice to your kid sister? Don't I take her driving every night? So, sit here at my feet 'cos I like you when you're sweet, And you know it ain't feminine to fight. So, put another log on the fire. Cook me up some bacon and some beans. Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tyre. Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans. Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe, And then go fetch my slippers. And boil me up another pot of tea. Then put another log on the fire, babe, And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

(Theme From) Gilligan's Island.

HAha!

The Cremation of Sam McGee Robert W. Service There are strange things done in the midnight sun By the men who moil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee. Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, Where the cotton blooms and blows. Why he left his home in the South to roam 'Round the Pole, God only knows. He was always cold, but the land of gold Seemed to hold him like a spell; Though he'd often say in his homely way That he'd "sooner live in hell". On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way Over the Dawson trail. Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold It stabbed like a driven nail. If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze Till sometimes we couldn't see; It wasn't much fun, but the only one To whimper was Sam McGee. And that very night, as we lay packed tight In our robes beneath the snow, And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead Were dancing heel and toe, He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess; And if I do, I'm asking that you Won't refuse my last request." Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; Then he says with a sort of moan: "It's the cursed cold, and it's got right hold Till I'm chilled clean through to the bone. Yet 'tain't being dead -- it's my awful dread Of the icy grave that pains; So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, You'll cremate my last remains." A pal's last need is a thing to heed, So I swore I would not fail; And we started on at the streak of dawn; But God! he looked ghastly pale. He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day Of his home in Tennessee; And before nightfall a corpse was all That was left of Sam McGee. There wasn't a breath in that land of death, And I hurried, horror-driven, With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, Because of a promise given; It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains, But you promised true, and it's up to you To cremate those last remains." Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, And the trail has its own stern code. In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, In my heart how I cursed that load. In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, While the huskies, round in a ring, Howled out their woes to the homeless snows -- O God! how I loathed the thing. And every day that quiet clay Seemed to heavy and heavier grow; And on I went, though the dogs were spent And the grub was getting low; The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, But I swore I would not give in; And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, And it hearkened with a grin. Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, And a derelict there lay; It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice It was called the "Alice May". And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, And I looked at my frozen chum; Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "Is my cre-ma-tor-eum." Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, And I lit the boiler fire; Some coal I found that was lying around, And I heaped the fuel higher; The flames just soared, and the furnace roared -- Such a blaze you seldom see; And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, And I stuffed in Sam McGee. Then I made a hike, for I didn't like To hear him sizzle so; And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, And the wind began to blow. It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled Down my cheeks, and I don't know why; And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak Went streaking down the sky. I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear; But the stars came out and they danced about Ere again I ventured near; I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside. I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; . . . Then the door I opened wide. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, In the heart of the furnace roar; And he wore a smile you could see a mile, And he said: "Please close that door. It's fine in here, but I greatly fear You'll let in the cold and storm -- Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, It's the first time I've been warm." There are strange things done in the midnight sun By the men who moil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee.

I can't take credit for this. This came to me in part of one of Edna's posts, and for that, I thank her profusely. I can't stop watching it.. Come Together Thanks Edders....

The water got deeper and cooler Then it got real deep.... I'm glad I've been there for the ride. It's been interesting thus far...

Something really bad has happened here. Dollars to doughnuts, this guy has a senator's daughter in a well in his basement....

This is an earworm worth having, seriously. Updated Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

For the last month or so, my 6 year old neice kept telling all of us that I drove a fiso. And she repeated this more than once. I had no clue what she was talking about. I came out of the office today, and saw what she meant, immediately. There, on the side of my truck, is the emblem..... F-150. She cracks me up....

This guy is one of Canada's funniest.... Cow sharpshooters, hysterical. Ladies and gentlemen, Derek Edwards!