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new poem


Paul35621

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Welcome to the dead zone

This is the dead zone

Minds blasted consumed spat out

Feelings numbed or gone without

Cold, unfeeling, manipulative

Yet filled with laughter and brightly lit

Welcome to the dead zone

This is the dead zone

Full to the brim yet still wanting

Fools for the quick the easy the all encompassing

Everything can be done everything achieved

Except the thing inside half formed just out of reach

Welcome to the dead zone

This is the dead zone

Love is pure and good it well understood but you heard that all before

And you hold back the yawns as your soul is torn but it won?t go away

All around you its smiles and bathroom tiles but that won?t satisfy your soul anymore

When will it cease

Where is she your other half the missing piece?

Welcome to the dead zone

This is the dead zone

And I yean to spurn this cruel churn to break away and be free

But this is the world I was born into and nothings gonna undo the time line and the family tree

Flashes of light and warmth around the solid rock are all that?s left to guide me

But I will carry on regardless and unreservedly and hope and toil to find another soul to join me

Welcome to the dead zone as far as I can see but do not give in or inwardly flee

Just reach out for my hand baby we?ll do it together.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey, i really liked the verses but i didn't really care for the part that said

Welcome to the dead zone,

this is the dead zone

i think that should only have been said at the end instead of:

Welcome to the dead zone as far as I can see but do not give in or inwardly flee

Just reach out for my hand baby we?ll do it together

That's just my personal opinion though, i really liked the verses.

:rockon:

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I like everything but the "Welcome to the dead zone" part between the verses. Although I do like the ending

Welcome to the dead zone as far as I can see but do not give in or inwardly flee

Just reach out for my hand baby we?ll do it together.

You could almost take out the "Welcome to the dead zone" between the verses and stick to the ending which brings the whole poem together and finalizes the picture you are trying to create. Other than that I think it's fantastic.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Minds blasted consumed spat out

Feelings numbed or gone without

Cold, unfeeling, manipulative

Yet filled with laughter and brightly lit

Full to the brim yet still wanting

Fools for the quick the easy the all encompassing

Everything can be done everything achieved

Except the thing inside half formed just out of reach

Love is pure and good it well understood but you heard that all before

And you hold back the yawns as your soul is torn but it won?t go away

All around you its smiles and bathroom tiles but that won?t satisfy your soul anymore

When will it cease

Where is she your other half the missing piece?

And I yean to spurn this cruel churn to break away and be free

But this is the world I was born into and nothings gonna undo the time line and the family tree

Flashes of light and warmth around the solid rock are all that?s left to guide me

But I will carry on regardless and unreservedly and hope and toil to find another soul to join me

Welcome to the dead zone as far as I can see but do not give in or inwardly flee

Just reach out for my hand baby we?ll do it together.

Thanks for the advice

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