Karhul Posted January 16, 2005 Report Share Posted January 16, 2005 Not For A Long While. Nothing I do will change her mind, And everything I do, she doesn't know, Days go by and nothing changes, I try, I try, she just can't see, And I know she cares, she just can't see, Kindness and love from me, for free, And all she sees is a friend in me, Riches of the heart I could give, And get something back in return, Yonder I wait for a reply, Anxiously I talk to her, Nothing can put me down, Indept converse I can now handle, Desire to love, forgotten hate, Incomparable humour, I can give, Still I wait, still I try. What do you think?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellie rockin in the free world Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 Desire to love, forgotten hate, Incomparable humour, I can give, Still I wait, still I try. I think u should change the last part to still i try, still i wait becuse it rhymes better. But if this poem is about how u are feeling then I think that if this girl is not interested now then she mite never be..sorry but other than that good job :happybanana: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted January 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 I think u should change the last part to still i try, still i wait becuse it rhymes better. But if this poem is about how u are feeling then I think that if this girl is not interested now then she mite never be..sorry but other than that good job :happybanana: I think it sounds better the way I wrote it, but that's just me. It is about a girl I used to fancy. Her name is in the poem. The first one to tell me the right name wins a prize!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 Nadia? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie62 Posted January 21, 2005 Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 Nadia? is that in the poem somewhere? :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaitingForMyRocketToCome Posted January 21, 2005 Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 It's the first letter of each line if you go down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie62 Posted January 21, 2005 Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 oh cool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted January 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 Your all so close, but yet so far!!!. I want you to give me her full name, first and last. Yes' Nadia is the first!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie35935 Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Karhul, Do not take this as an offensive remark, but as a writer and poet myself, all i have to say is that your rhyme scheme is totally off. Your poem is great, but it's more of a story, so write it as prose if it is such, and if not,dude,no offence, but make the rhyme scheme work together. Great work though! ~Allie~ :guitar: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted January 24, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Karhul, Do not take this as an offensive remark, but as a writer and poet myself, all i have to say is that your rhyme scheme is totally off. Your poem is great, but it's more of a story, so write it as prose if it is such, and if not,dude,no offence, but make the rhyme scheme work together. Great work though! ~Allie~ :guitar: If you were a true poet yourself, you would realise that there are alot of poems which don't have rhyming schemes. I can't imagine this poem with a rhyming scheme, it would have lost the sence of passion. It came from my heart, not Rhyme land, ok??. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted January 24, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Ok, I'll give you her name. It's Nadia Karayanidis, do you see it down in every first letter?. She is originally from Greece, hence the Greek name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 So where's my prize? I'd like it in unmarked dollar bills. Mailed to me by certified mail. No checks accepted... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted January 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 So where's my prize? I'd like it in unmarked dollar bills. Mailed to me by certified mail. No checks accepted... I'm sorry, but you only got the first name, no prize for you!. Sorry!!. Unless you want half of nothing!. "Have a Nice Day!" - Mick Foley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
151 Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Post deleted by Sara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Well that wasn't very nice... You know, we try to offer our criticism on this board with kindness and not be harsh about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted January 26, 2005 Report Share Posted January 26, 2005 "Indept converse" is probably not what you meant and if it is, you lost me because I don't know much about basketball shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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