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Karhul

A Karhul Creation.

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Not For A Long While.

Nothing I do will change her mind,

And everything I do, she doesn't know,

Days go by and nothing changes,

I try, I try, she just can't see,

And I know she cares, she just can't see,

Kindness and love from me, for free,

And all she sees is a friend in me,

Riches of the heart I could give,

And get something back in return,

Yonder I wait for a reply,

Anxiously I talk to her,

Nothing can put me down,

Indept converse I can now handle,

Desire to love, forgotten hate,

Incomparable humour, I can give,

Still I wait, still I try.

What do you think?. :coolio:

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Desire to love, forgotten hate,

Incomparable humour, I can give,

Still I wait, still I try.

I think u should change the last part to still i try, still i wait becuse it rhymes better. But if this poem is about how u are feeling then I think that if this girl is not interested now then she mite never be..sorry :thumbsdown: but other than that good job :happybanana:

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I think u should change the last part to still i try, still i wait becuse it rhymes better. But if this poem is about how u are feeling then I think that if this girl is not interested now then she mite never be..sorry :thumbsdown: but other than that good job :happybanana:

I think it sounds better the way I wrote it, but that's just me. It is about a girl I used to fancy. Her name is in the poem. The first one to tell me the right name wins a prize!!!!. :beatnik:

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Karhul,

Do not take this as an offensive remark, but as a writer and poet myself, all i have to say is that your rhyme scheme is totally off. Your poem is great, but it's more of a story, so write it as prose if it is such, and if not,dude,no offence, but make the rhyme scheme work together.

Great work though!

~Allie~ :guitar:

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Karhul,

Do not take this as an offensive remark, but as a writer and poet myself, all i have to say is that your rhyme scheme is totally off. Your poem is great, but it's more of a story, so write it as prose if it is such, and if not,dude,no offence, but make the rhyme scheme work together.

Great work though!

~Allie~ :guitar:

If you were a true poet yourself, you would realise that there are alot of poems which don't have rhyming schemes. I can't imagine this poem with a rhyming scheme, it would have lost the sence of passion. It came from my heart, not Rhyme land, ok?????. :beatnik:

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So where's my prize? I'd like it in unmarked dollar bills. Mailed to me by certified mail. No checks accepted...
I'm sorry, but you only got the first name, no prize for you!!!!. Sorry!!!!!. Unless you want half of nothing!!!!.

"Have a Nice Day!" - Mick Foley. :beatnik:

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