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A Karhul Creation.


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Not For A Long While.

Nothing I do will change her mind,

And everything I do, she doesn't know,

Days go by and nothing changes,

I try, I try, she just can't see,

And I know she cares, she just can't see,

Kindness and love from me, for free,

And all she sees is a friend in me,

Riches of the heart I could give,

And get something back in return,

Yonder I wait for a reply,

Anxiously I talk to her,

Nothing can put me down,

Indept converse I can now handle,

Desire to love, forgotten hate,

Incomparable humour, I can give,

Still I wait, still I try.

What do you think?. :coolio:

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Desire to love, forgotten hate,

Incomparable humour, I can give,

Still I wait, still I try.

I think u should change the last part to still i try, still i wait becuse it rhymes better. But if this poem is about how u are feeling then I think that if this girl is not interested now then she mite never be..sorry :thumbsdown: but other than that good job :happybanana:

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I think u should change the last part to still i try, still i wait becuse it rhymes better. But if this poem is about how u are feeling then I think that if this girl is not interested now then she mite never be..sorry :thumbsdown: but other than that good job :happybanana:

I think it sounds better the way I wrote it, but that's just me. It is about a girl I used to fancy. Her name is in the poem. The first one to tell me the right name wins a prize!!!!. :beatnik:
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Karhul,

Do not take this as an offensive remark, but as a writer and poet myself, all i have to say is that your rhyme scheme is totally off. Your poem is great, but it's more of a story, so write it as prose if it is such, and if not,dude,no offence, but make the rhyme scheme work together.

Great work though!

~Allie~ :guitar:

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Karhul,

Do not take this as an offensive remark, but as a writer and poet myself, all i have to say is that your rhyme scheme is totally off. Your poem is great, but it's more of a story, so write it as prose if it is such, and if not,dude,no offence, but make the rhyme scheme work together.

Great work though!

~Allie~ :guitar:

If you were a true poet yourself, you would realise that there are alot of poems which don't have rhyming schemes. I can't imagine this poem with a rhyming scheme, it would have lost the sence of passion. It came from my heart, not Rhyme land, ok?????. :beatnik:
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