Tony Baloni Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 You've gotta be charming You've gotta be known If you wanna make it in this town You gotta be a portrait If you want to be seen You've got to be the next James Dean You've gotta be in To get out You've gotta be what it's about You better run If you wanna make your train You better Tear across the plains When will you learn A love song won't play on its own When will you earn A night not spent alone The sun's coming up It pours through the cracks in the breeze Where did I wake up Is this really me? You've got to be a poet If you wanna be heard You've gotta dry oceans with your words You've gotta start a riot Amid peaceful bliss To show the people how much more there really is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted March 17, 2008 Report Share Posted March 17, 2008 Tony, it is so encouraging for me to see those as young as you writing and posting lyrical poetry on this site. This is evidence that the craft is alive and that thoughtful reflections are considered worth the investment of time. This is how most good songwriters start. Your meter (pace/rhythmn) breaks up in the third stanza, but that is fixable. I like the idea of a double two line bridge, but the four line fourth stanza throws me abit. I suspect you tried to shoehorn in your key line about the sun coming through the cracks in the breeze, which is great imagery, but try to work it into your scheme already established in the opening stanzas. Best lines for me were: "You gotta be a portrait If you want to be seen" "When will you earn A night not spent alone" Keep after it, man. Nice to read your contributions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Baloni Posted March 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2008 Thanks for the comment man, I appreciate it. I know it sounds choppy now, but if you heard the music for it, it would make more sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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