Sweet Jane 61 Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Moments of Eternity For a moment her heart smiled the emptiness whisked away contenment found with each new day. For a moment her soul danced fading all hurt all sorrow no misgivings seen for tomorrow. For a moment her hope restored nightmares becoming divine dreams love truly all it seems. For an eternity her pain harrowing moments evaporate as hours pass heartbreak stealing bliss alas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Makes me think of the last kiss. Girl you're stirring up memories I could do without! Very strong writing, I can't describe how I feel about this one. and to the Queen of Verse!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted July 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Thank you Ray, it was a memory that brought that one out. Funny how memories enter your mind and you weren't expecting them, so this is how I deal with memories that hurt a little. And even thought it trigged a memory you don't want, that makes me feel good knowing my words connected with someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Hence the If someone's words can touch me, then it is worthy of being hailed as a masterpiece! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Fish Posted July 25, 2007 Report Share Posted July 25, 2007 IT WAS LIKE YOU TOOK A SCREWDRIVER AND JABBED ME IN THE EYE SEVERAL TIMES BUT IN AN ENJOYABLE SENSE, NOT A BAD ONE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted July 25, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2007 Thanks I think nammy?? But if I touched a place in your heart or soul with this poem, then I am pleased. That is what I want with my writing, to touch people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted July 25, 2007 Report Share Posted July 25, 2007 Haggy, what terrible things have they done to you that you enjoy screwdrivers in your eyes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted July 25, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2007 Ah my poetry giving such pleasure and pain... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 Jane... I adore the title to this poem. I ADORE it. I love words that create contrast. I don't know exactly what I was expecting when I read it, and there are a few sentences in there that are wonderful. But honestly, it left me sort of hanging... I think I wanted it to be wrapped up a little tighter than it is maybe... to further explore these moments that last for an eternity. Not trying to be rude... just trying to lay in a little constructive criticism, so I hope you aren't offended. There's no question of your talent... I would just somehow like to see this one get overhauled a little, with more "small" writing, a little more detail, and little more contrast. Does that make sense? Okay, I'm shutting up now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floydaholic Posted August 1, 2007 Report Share Posted August 1, 2007 Yet again, another amazing poem by sweet Jane!!. As usual, your poems just ooze quality. I love the rhyme scheme of it, and the way you phrase things. I love deep poems like this. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted August 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2007 Thanks floyd! Shawna thanks for your input and I look forward to discussing this with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floydaholic Posted August 1, 2007 Report Share Posted August 1, 2007 You're welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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