Sweet Jane 61 Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 (edited) Uncertainty poisoned within disguises scorched by fire emotions smoldering from the flame questions haunting a chameleon. Unheeding of this deceit anguished from the collapse a soul remains burned heartache consumes the heat. Edited May 7, 2007 by Guest At the request of the author. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Jane, I need to say that I like the image of fire and the feeling of intense heat. I will admit that I'm a little confused on the last line of the 1st verse. English is my 2nd language so maybe that's why I don't see what is said in that line. Otherwise I like it... felt it too often as well. Good to see another one from you (By the way... typo on "deceit") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Thanks rayzor. I reread that twice and didn't even see the typo. I am so bad at that, I focus more on what I want to say. Plus I type too fast. The last line... "Questions haunting a chameleon" The person who did the betrayal is like a chameleon always changing to fit the surroundings and he has been asked questions that he can't answer and won't leave his mind. ***Could a mod please fix my typo!!!**** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 It's really good. I had to re-read it a few times to get a full grasp on it, but thats not a bad thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Wow. Now that I understand that line it's even more wonderful! It is a great piece of writing! Each time I read it I see something different. I assumed that you had been typing it while running the commercials while on the air, so I was just letting you know, I wasn't trying to be a smart-*ss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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