Blue Fish Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 (edited) Shhhh, don't cry, just close your eyes Don't look at the fist striking skin Don't see those eyes as she softly cries Don't let those images in. Close your ears, block it out The sound of the voice softly begging The words that tear her apart in a shout Block it out as the headphones sing Don't worry just don't look At those soft cheeks where salt tears run The bruises from the beating she took The sun is out, go and have fun Oh that bloods not hers it just can't be That medical vans not for her It's not her face under the mask you see You hear him say "she fell over sir" You hold her hand as the tears fall Surrounded by beeping machines You wonder why you did nothing at all The images flash like movie scenes. Any thoughts? Does it need more verses maybe? I was thinking it might, but I dunno. The more I read it the more I wreasle with the thought of just leaving it alone.... Edited May 3, 2007 by Guest Missed a few words! Opps.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Jane 61 Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 Tough for me to read, but good. I was an abused wife and you showed the picture of what happens vividly. I like it how it stands, you don't know what happens and that is how it is, sometimes there is no ending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted May 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 I'm sorry to hear it Sweet Jane... but glad for your thoughts on it. Yeah, thats what i thought about the ending, I'd quite like to leave it up top the reader to make up their own mind about how it ends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucky Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 I like it too, Bloof. I'd leave it. As Jane says, sometimes that's just the way it is. I also like the dual thought, that there is no end literally, to the poem, or the situation, for some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 Very well written, very powerful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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