Kronos Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 Ok, how r my lyrics? How can I improve, and what is good about them? My heart has been sliced By my souls great chef Fed to my past loves I have one piece left Don’t throw it away It must be for keeps I lose this, I’m lost It’s my final piece Don’t throw it away I have been burned black Even eaten raw Tossed in the trash can Before I could thaw Don’t throw it away It must be for keeps I lose this, I’m lost It’s my final piece Don’t throw it away One piece left in me In my rotting core I’ll take my chances The last piece is yours Don’t throw it away It must be for keeps I lose this, I’m lost It’s my final piece Don’t throw it away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kronos Posted May 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Anyone?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucky Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 I like it! I missed it earlier. I like the imagery, and the one last chance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kronos Posted May 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 Coolness! Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 Very good. The images it brings to mind are....very...powerful. Cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foolonthehill Posted May 9, 2007 Report Share Posted May 9, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 I've written alot of songs while in rock bands and I gotta say that this is pretty cool. The right rhythm and this can be a really great tune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kronos Posted May 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Wicked! I'll have to get some more songs up here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 You do that Kronos! Also let me know what type of music the lyrics are intended for and (hopefully) I can be of even more help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 Keep writing, Kronos. You have ability to speak through poetry. Creating sustained imagery on paper is not something everyone can do. On a critical note, the smell of rotted meat is not appealing when asking someone to accept one's love, but that I understand how that stanza - "One piece left .. rotting .. is yours" - works into your metaphorical theme here. Your poem indicates a high degree of creativity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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