Blue Fish Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 (edited) There never was a silenter crew There never was or will be All they did was make trouble and they slew Until that day upon that fateful sea. One of them held a secret deep One of them was different One of them could never sleep Once the sun slept after the hour spent. Nor could that one have ruled before Never noticed, never seen He was the one who came from lore If not for them could never have been. On that day, on that rolling sea He came from Lore no more Out of the tales he came to be Bled from the wounds so sore Thunder cracked and ship planks groaned The lightning flashed up high The light it shed was merrily loaned But soon it was gone on high For day and days it danced around The storm whirled us in a dangerous jig Where the silence was there now was sound Where food a-plenty not a fig. The ship she cried from the brutal torture Her decks begin to shake The lightning struck her tall mast down, her engine purred no more She could of this torment no more take Silence, silence save the cries, of the lost crew All but one of them weeping Now they wish they’d seen him and knew But for now, on-wards never sleeping. Frayed the ropes pearly the hands The cold full moon reflects Now regretting forgotten lands The crewmen swab the decks. one is crueller and stands alone No one knew him, now all know He rules the darkness from his throne To death from him all humans go. He whips his slaves ‘till all flesh goes And then he snakes it on white bone To make the crewmen work in rows To reap all and more of what they’ve sown. No more silence no more still Just the sea song of the wind Whistling though the rib-cage shrill Of those pure ones plus the sinned. He has no Mercy, he knows no pity Standing on the captains deck alone He sweeps alike though sea and city Dragging men pleading from their home. His sweeping cloak black as night Always restlessly moving waiting For the one who wears it to catch sight Of more mortals for the taking. Then how long behind it billows! As he sweeps it around his bones Raising the slumbering heads from pillows Breaks the routine of the drones. Hiding the sun as it’s swept around A whirling twirling beautiful dance Only one whisper that’s barely a sound “Time to go, you’ve had your chance†Standing leaning on his scythe upon the hills of green Casing judgement over all, nothing escapes his eyes Good and bad all acts are seen Then his finger points, his cloak it sighs. What then cruel Reaper do you do? Ah, you release your crewmen? An hourglass to each given from you Hung ‘round the neck but the bad work again. They’ll serve you ‘till the horsemen come, The good they rest in peaceful slumber The bad are made forever numb Forever a groaning growing number. Your crewmen work to that dreadful tune Of the wind crying through ribs so hollow Under the bleaching sun and moon No other command have they but “Follow†Where ever your restless cloak does billow Where ever you cast your eye in judgement Always forever you stand at that tiller oh Billowing cloak, oh judging eye relent! ‘Tis useless to be sure for all More pity came from faceless stone Everything from the stone home to gallows tall Hear the same pitiless tone “Times up, your sand is falling now†His fixed grin turns to you “Don’t run or beg or start a row Don’t act surprised, from birth you knew.†“Make it easy and just don’t fight Then again it’s more sport to chase†His grin splits wide, his laughter’s flight Joins the booming thunders race. (sorry it's so long, I cut about six stanzas but these are really importent to the storytold.with out the six other stanzas it loses some meanings ) Edited April 29, 2007 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 On the whole, I like this, though i think it could do with a little tweak here and there. Once again, I enjoy the way you eschew traditional phraseology by deconstructing phrases and rebuilding them in a more unusual and interesting way. I found this piece pleasingly dramatic, sombre and menacing in turns. However , my admiration is not unreserved. Every so often a "clumsy move" or strained rhyme can be quite jarring. For example... For day and days it danced around The storm whirled us in a dangerous jig Where the silence was there now was sound Where food a-plenty not a fig. ...undermines my enjoyment of the whole. I'm always interested in reading your works: sometimes they hit the mark, sometimes not. Either way, you clearly have some talent for poetry. In fact, (if you don't mind me saying), I sometimes wonder that you seem to express yourself more effectively in verse than you do in matters of everyday conversation. Even your spelling seems to improve. Good stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted May 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 b-f I often find that if I can't tell someone something in a coversation very clearly, I write them a poem and it comes across in that! It's true, that stanza was one I struggled with, I'm working on it! and thank-you for you comments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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