Corrupt a Wish

[miamisammy29]

Granted. Your legs fall off.

I wish bacon could heal any medical problem.

[MuzikTyme]

Granted.

But now, all ailments are cured with bacon. So, not only does the world's population escalate 500% during the first decade but now virtually everyone is obese and pig-like.

I wish there was a way to remember all the things that meant something when I took those very things for granted . . .

[bazooka]

You can take that wish for granted.

"I wish somebody would hand me a thousand dollars a day, tax-free and no strings attached," bazooka said, childishly.

[Lea]

Granted. But it's all in monopoly money.

I wish I was psychic.

[MuzikTyme]

Granted.

Though you now realize the inner workings of a man's mind and become a hopeless nymphomaniac who's totally insatiable.

I wish a woman would say what she really wants . . .

[Floydaholic]

Granted. She wants to chop your legs off.

I wish that I was good with the ladies.

[Lea]

Granted, but you got so carried away with all that love coming your way you couldn't resist marrying all those lovelies that have fallen in love with you. Pending charges, 27 counts of bigamy. You will be spending the next 140 years in prison.

I wish I had a maid.

[Rayzor]

Granted: you have kids.

I wish I could cook.

[MarcM]

GRANTED. BUT NOW, ALL DAY, YOU HEAR "DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?"

I WISH MY METABOLISM WAS A LITTLE FASTER

[miamisammy29]

It is....just slightly. But now you eat so much, you've offset that small increase in metabolism speed, and now you're pushing around 450.

I wish I had a red Ferrari, or at least the money to buy one.

[phil]

Fine. Meet me at the crossroads to sign this contract.

I wish I had me some rhythm.

[MarcM]

OK. YOU WILL BE ARRESTED AND THROWN INTO A CELL WHERE YOU LEARN "RHYTHM" FROM AN AMOURUS FELLA NAMED BUBBA.

I WISH MY COLD WAS GONE.

[Jenny]

Granted, you now have bronchitis

I wish I could be somewhere warm for Thanksgiving

[Lea]

Granted meet miamisammy and Phil at the crossroads 7am sharp and they will drive you there in sammy' Ferrari.

I wish I could remember eveything good thing I have ever learned.

[MuzikTyme]

Granted.

But now, you are so far above human intelligence that you instantly become pure energy and, unluckily, become swept up into a black hole.

I wish I had a different, beautiful, intriguing woman waiting for me after each separate encounter, for ever and ever.

[miamisammy29]

Granted. They're waiting there, but none of them will talk to you or come within six feet of you.

I wish I was out cow-tipping.

[Floydaholic]

Granted. You are now pregnant with a baby cow.

I wish that I was born in the right decade.

[miamisammy29]

Granted. You invented the wheel and discovered fire.

I wish I owned a camel.

[Uncle Joe]

Granted but you still can't get humped.

I wish I owned Maria Muldaur.

[miamisammy29]

Granted, but now you have to listen to that IRRITATING song 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I wish my car doors would open just by saying, "Open Sesame".

[Epiphany]

Granted, but they only close by you singing the Sesame Street theme song in a Big Bird costume.

I wish I had a time machine.

[Floydaholic]

Granted. Your arms fall off in the process of travelling.

I wish that Angelina Jolie was my girlfriend.

[Uncle Joe]

Granted, but she's 83 years old.

I wish that I could sing like Steve Perry.

[_Laurie_]

Fine, but now you will have to wear very tight underwear.

I wish I had a million dollars.

[cyberjudge]

Granted. The government is sending you your revised tax bill for an additional $350K, plus a letter inviting you to an audit of your last 7 years' returns. Meanwhile, your phone is ringing off the hook with calls from fifteenth cousins asking you for loans, or to invest in their lastest get-rich-quick schemes.

I wish for world peace.