cindy17838 Posted July 7, 2004 Report Share Posted July 7, 2004 The Tale of the Tape ? The Undercard (?Sirius? by The Alan Parsons Project plays in the background) In the blue states for the Democrats, he?s a trial lawyer from the Deep South, known for creating wealth through contingency fees. A relative newcomer to politics, he brings youth and vitality to a ticket headlined by a Jay Leno look alike. Joooohn pretty boy Edwaaaards In the red states for the Republicans, he?s a Washington insider said to have been present at the historic first drawing of the Laffer Curve on the back of a napkin. He brings an IQ over 100 to a ticket best known for the non-word ?Strategery?. [bleep] pacemakeeeerr Cheney Favorite quotes (Edwards) ?His hair was perfect? Warren Zevon ?If it doesn?t fit, you must acquit? Johnny Cochran ?Down with Mega-lo-Mart? Hank Hill Favorite quotes (Cheney) ?I love the smell of napalm in the morning? Robert Duval ?I read your book you magnificent bastard? George Patton ?His name is Jaws; he kills people? James Bond Corporate Sponsor (Edwards) Vidal Sassoon ? ?If you don?t look good we don?t look good? Corporate Sponsor (Cheney) Eveready Energizer ? ?It keeps going and going? Union Support (Edwards) UHA ? United Hairdressers of America Union Support (Cheney) CVSA ? Cardiovascular Surgeons Alliance Who would play him in a movie (Edwards) Tom Cruise Who would play him in a movie (Cheney) Gene Hackman Favorite hobby (Edwards) Chasing ambulances with his dog Favorite hobby (Cheney) Shooting birds with assault rifles when he catches them leaving droppings on his car Secretly afraid of (Edwards) Tort reform Secretly afraid of (Cheney) Microwave ovens Thing he would most like to accomplish if elected (Edwards) A class-action lawsuit against Fox News Thing he would most like to accomplish if elected (Cheney) Dropping a bunker buster bomb on CNN Hygiene tip (Edwards) Wash, rinse, repeat Hygiene tip (Cheney) Using a sandblaster to remove unwanted tarter build-up Favorite movie (Edwards) ?The Rainmaker? with Matt Damon and Danny DeVito Favorite movie (Cheney) ?Dr. Strangelove? with Slim Pickens and George C. Scott Who killed Nicole Simpson? (Edwards) The racist LA police department Who killed Nicole Simpson? (Cheney) The ?Dream Team? lawyers for a career bump Who framed Roger Rabbit? (Edwards) The vast right-wing conspiracy Who framed Roger Rabbit? (Cheney) I did. You got something to say about it? On paper, this bout looks to be more exciting than the main event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted July 11, 2004 Report Share Posted July 11, 2004 Cindy, I think this is hilarious. I started to do an "Ebert and Peaches give this a two thumbs up" post when I first read it, but for some reason this Creative Writing area confuses me. I didn't know if we were supposed to comment or just let the words speak for themselves. But piss on it, I don't want you to feel left out. I like it...for whatever that's worth! :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott Posted July 11, 2004 Report Share Posted July 11, 2004 Oh go ahead and make your post ramble on as stupidly as you would any other forum, look at a few of the other posts and you'll see that me and Gillian tend to get really bored and talk about pure crap for pages and pages and pages, but on the plus side it can be pretty funny! :: So go ahead and post as you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 When we start a new forum, we rarely know how you guys will respond to it. I imagined "Creative Writing" as place where we could offer eloquent commentary on music, entertainment, just about anything. It's not easy to get published, so we decided to offer an outlet. There are a lot of excellent writers on these boards, and they write in many different styles. Be it a poem, a song, a short essay or a screenplay, as long as it's creative and some thought went into it, it belongs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt_Acid Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 This is pretty funny. It would make a good chain email. And excuse me for straying from the subject, but am I the only one who thinks Edwards looks like John Ritter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidbay89 Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 nope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragnus Posted August 17, 2004 Report Share Posted August 17, 2004 This is pretty funny. It would make a good chain email. And excuse me for straying from the subject, but am I the only one who thinks Edwards looks like John Ritter? yes, he does, and cheney looks a lot like that guy from mr. holland's opus, richard dreyfuss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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