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who am I asking out, Sammy?

I guess I've always been skeptical of doing the asking because I've heard so much from so many different sources about how a guy feels emasculated if he doesn't have to do the work and can then enjoy the prize. If it's handed to him, he won't appreciate it as much. And I'm not talking about sex! Although the same rules apply there.

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I would not think any less of a chick if she asked me out. Maybe he thinks you would say no, so he did not ask you out himself. Just be prepared for rejection. He may not have asked you out for a reason. If thats the case, no biggie. Move on to the next contestant.

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Ok here is the long complicated story:

This guy I went out with works for the guy I asked out a while back (the one who had a girlfriend). So this guy, we'll call him J, came in to the store a few weeks ago, and mentioned he was going to Barnes and Noble in Billings to buy a book. I am never very attuned at work, so I thought he was just talking to me like normal, so I said I love B&N. He said "Are you asking to go along?" I said no, because I wasn't.

So, last Saturday he mentioned he didn't go, but he was going that day. I said how much I love B&N and he said I could ride along with him. So I said Ok, not taking him seriously at all. So he said to meet him at the store after I got off work. I did not realize this was a date until he came back and changed to the next day because we'd have more time. (Billings is 2 hrs away).

Some of the day didn't seem date like at all, but he paid for dinner, so that seems date-y to me. but, he stopped at a car lot to look at a jeep and left me in the car, so I have NO idea what the heck was going on-Date/not date.

I haven't had much of a chance to talk to him this week, but I did ask him if I bored him to death because I was so quiet. He said "nooo," like he wanted to add something, but I had customers, so he left.

I am really really confused by this. I don't date much, but I really like him.

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Did he tell you to stay in the car, or was it by your own doing? If he had a good time, he will call you again or show up at your job. He may be a little insecure or shy, and might welcome your assistance in furthering things along, if that the way he is going.

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Sounds like he was comfortable being with you, Shannon, but just not comfortable with whether you accept his "style" or not.

That stop to look at the Jeep throws me off a little. He wanted to do a "buddy" thing with you, but you stayed in the car. That is OK, if he didn't verbalize that you should accompany him to the showroom. He probably learned from that dating faux pas and will not likely repeat it. I would be interested if he asks you out again. Glad you like him.

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okay, so here's what happened to me. I went out with a guy, and after what seemed like hours of his yapping my ear off - and literally, three hours with him felt like 10 - I'd heard his entire life story. He never once asked a single question about me. Even after I'd mentioned a couple of things I thought he'd be interested in knowing.

So he walks me to my truck, tells me that I'm just the sweetest girl he's met in a long time, that he hasn't met anyone he's interested in dating in quite a while, and would I like to go out again? I'm brutally honest. So, trying to be nice about it, I smiled and said, in a joking manner, "I know your place of business, I know your kids' names, I know the teams they're on at school, I know your entire military history, I know the reason behind your divorce, I know all about your ex-wife's family and her situation, I know you do your son's laundry every day. Do you even know where I work?"

After which he apologized profusely, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm nervous, maybe I chatted too much," etc.

So, today I get this e-mail from him telling me that, while he had a really nice time, he felt that the fact that I was a vegetarian several years ago, and that I don't like fur, was a deal breaker for him. So he would like to inform me that he's not interested in going out again.

Why, oh why, can't a guy just suck it up and admit it when he's been shut down? Why do they have to turn it around and make it look like they're the one that made the decision?

I swear to god, there's been only one guy in my life who's ever stepped up to the plate and admitted that he had a little teensy bit of a part in him not making the cut. And he was gay. But that's a whole different story.

What's up with that, guys?

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So, today I get this e-mail from him telling me that, while he had a really nice time, he felt that the fact that I was a vegetarian several years ago, and that I don't like fur, was a deal breaker for him. So he would like to inform me that he's not interested in going out again.

I'm sorry, but I had to really laugh out loud when I read that :laughing: :laughing: :doh:

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Shawna, it sounds like he suffers from "Bail-Out Syndrome". That's when a guy gets shot down so often that he's learned to bail-out on the girl as a defense mechanism before (or even after) she fires her anti-aircraft barrage. It gives him a cheap sense of self-respect. He's a loser. You were right to go ack ack at him.

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Shawna, you know men, they have to look good no matter the situation. Now think about this, his friends asking him how the date went, and the odds of him telling them that he talked too much and was an ass is not going to come up. He will say oh it went fine but she doesn't like fur and was a vegetarian and we just didn't hit it off so I told her I didn't think going out again was a good idea. Then his buddies will be saying yeah you don't want a chick like that or whatever and he is made to look like "the man" so to speak. A man's ego wins most of the time. Funny thing is, women like men who are honest and sensitive, it won't hurt to show those qualities from time to time. That or some ear nibbling as Old55 pointed out will work wonders! ;)

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As long as Shawna's not picketing the restaurants / clothing stores with signs that read -

DESTROY THE CATTLE BARONS

OR

DON'T SKIN THE CRITTERS

what's his problem ?

I think SweetJane is correct: he's trying to save face. You can do better than him, Shawna. As Joe said, he's a loser. He won't get any coffee and nibblies.

:P

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