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thanks for all these comments guys! I love it!

Another conversation I had yesterday about this was with a female friend. Let me see if I can say this clearly in writing, since I've got the idea clear in my head...

Women say "I love you" and mean the whole encompassing thing, including devotion, honesty, truth, not being able to see your life without that person, and taking those vows without it feeling like a burden.

Men might DO all of those things, but feel that "love" as we women think of it doesn't exist. If so, then what exactly IS that for a man?

I find this fascinating. Maybe I should do a case study on it or something.

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Women say "I love you" and mean the whole encompassing thing, including devotion, honesty, truth, not being able to see your life without that person, and taking those vows without it feeling like a burden.

Men might DO all of those things, but feel that "love" as we women think of it doesn't exist. If so, then what exactly IS that for a man?

Shawna, I don't believe in such stereotypes. And making such assumptions when beginning a relationship can be detrimental. Let's face it...haven't we all known some women who don't come close to fitting the description above? Hopefully you've known a man who doesn't fit the description above either.

Defining "love" can be as elusive as trying to explain why a particular joke is "funny". As Johnny Carson often pointed out, it just doesn't work.

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hmmmmm... well, Joe, just in case you were worried about me, this isn't about me. ;) I just find the whole difference between the sexes thinking thing fascinating. I love to get men's takes on things that women would find as natural as breathing, but we can't figure out how men view those same things.

The man who told me that "love" is a wholly female concept caused me to question its existence. And I'm gaining a better understanding of it, thanks to you guys (and my facebook pals!) so it's making more sense - thank you.

I just wondered if anyone had anything additional to add... about their experiences, etc. Maybe I should have gone into psychology. Or been a bartender.

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I don't think those stereotypes are true at all. I can think of far more couples where the dude is hopelessly devoted to the chick who in turn is much more subtle with her affection.

Ah well, it's all psychology of emotion and can all be broken down into chemical reactions and physiological changes. If you insist on scientifising it, here's a site that seems to explain it roughly the way I learned in college: http://socialpsych.tripod.com/id9.html

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Shawna, I never took this topic to be "about" you. I perceive it as I suspect you intended...an intellectual discussion.

I think real love is as natural to men as it is to women. Sadly, not everyone gets to experience it and thus the confusion methinks.

I will concede however that women probably spend lots more time thinking about love, it's meaning, consequences, etc....and way more time talking about it. Not a bad thing, mind you.

Now can we please get on to the birds and the bees?

Edited by Guest
To add the birds and bees remark.
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"love" is a wholly female concept

I so disagree with that statement. I think the guy has sex and love confussed.

I have no doubt that my DH loves me to death and would be one unhappy camper without me.

When it comes to love, actions speak louder then words. Men show their love differently then women but I think they feel it as deeply.

Men give women flowers because they know it will please them and it's an easy way for a man to get the message across without to much effort. Men can be lazy when it comes to showing signs of romantic affections.

My husband still gives me little gifts to show affection and it's nice. But it's just stuff.

A true sign of a mans love is when he goes to buy a car, and stands there for 20 mins. trying to decide which car on that lot is going to be the safest car for his spouse to be in if she is in a major accident.

Now that kinda thing is how a man shows his love of a woman. Buying a piece of jewelry, or some other romantic girly thing may make him uncomfortable. Keeping her safe and comfortable on the other hand, right up their alley :D

I will concede however that women probably spend lots more time thinking about love, it's meaning, consequences, etc....and way more time talking about it.

Listen to Joe I think he might know what he's talking about :D

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I noticed that regardless of the male/female differences, saying "I love you" is used quite differently in English and German in general... here it's only used in a serious relationship, and even there it's quite a big thing

I think in English it's a bit more casual, where it's said among relatives (umm :crazy: ) or good friends (among women mostly)

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I don't think those stereotypes are true at all. I can think of far more couples where the dude is hopelessly devoted to the chick who in turn is much more subtle with her affections.

I agree. I love me some Mr. Peaches, but that s.o.b. loves to talk about stuff and cuddle. I don't like all that crap. Shut the bleep up and get the bleep off me until I tell you it's okay.

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I don't like all that crap. Shut the bleep up and get the bleep off me until I tell you it's okay.

Ditto me. I don't have a problem with telling my people I love them but I don't like to be hung on to much either ;)

Unless, it's a baby or small child. It's a proven fact if babies aren't cuddled, they can become unhealthy.

They did a study on it even :D

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It really disappoints me these days when most think experience or love comes from Google or a book.

I have to wonder what people did before the advent of the internet, cell-phones, TV or written language.

My thought it was best then... when things were pure and innocent...

Just simple acknowledgement between two individuals that cross paths and make something special from it.

No gizmos or superficial nonsense.

"Those were the days, my friend

We thought they'd never end

We'd sing and dance...

FOREVER and a day."

Yep.

:D

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The most profound thing to remember is that there's no such thing as love.

Infatuation? Certainly.

Does infatuation last? Hardly.

But, isn't it nice to dream and have Donald Duck on one side and Mickey Mouse on the other?

Fantasyland!

According to you you don't believe in pure and innocent.

Or do I misunderstand?

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You misunderstood what I was trying to relay.

I do believe there is a such thing as pure and innocent. I also believe that it's taken by most as weakness.

It shouldn't be that way but most are so full of themself that they forget or never knew what it's like to just enjoy another's company.

I guess what I'm trying to explain is the more compliments you pay towards your lover or significant other the more they'll take you for granted.

Even winning the lottery becomes old after all has been seen and done.

No, Lea, you don't misunderstand the fact that love is but a fantasy; you just misunderstand me.

I'm confident that I'm not the first to be misunderstood when it comes to love.

I guess love is something no one ever has, it's only what they give to others.

It's something, I think, that should never be expected back. Even though we all yearn for it.

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Women say "I love you" and mean the whole encompassing thing, including devotion, honesty, truth, not being able to see your life without that person, and taking those vows without it feeling like a burden.

Men might DO all of those things, but feel that "love" as we women think of it doesn't exist. If so, then what exactly IS that for a man?

I find this fascinating. Maybe I should do a case study on it or something.

I try not to generalise, but think back to all those love poems and sonnets, paintings, movies, fancy jewelry, love songs, love stories - who made the majority of those? Guys :beatnik:

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Muzik.

So basically what your saying is, I've been married for 25 years but during that time I have not been in love? I'm just confused and living in lala land?

By the way, I have never meet anyone who considered pure and innocent as a weakness.

And, my significant other never takes me for granted, no matter how many times I tell him how great I think he is.

He rocks, and I love him to death even after 25 years. No one compares to him.

I'm so sorry you haven't found a woman that makes you feel that way but don't belittle those of us that have that.

Edited by Guest
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Your right BA.

It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea;

But we loved with a love that was more than love -

I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsman came

And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulcher

In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,

Went envying her and me

Yes! that was the reason

(as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we

Of many far wiser than we

And neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,

In the sepulcher there by the sea,

In her tomb by the sounding sea.

POE

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When I speak what I feel is true does not mean I expect you or anyone else to agree.

Belittle?

Wow, that's my last reason for posting here.

My intentions are sound but I'll not be sorry for not being a shape from a cookie cutter baked in this world of confusion and indifference.

Sorry you think the way you do about me, Lea.

Namely, because you're way off.

I've loved and received love enough to not belittle, anyone...including you.

Don't be sorry for me...think about others that need your pity.

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I noticed that regardless of the male/female differences, saying "I love you" is used quite differently in English and German in general... here it's only used in a serious relationship, and even there it's quite a big thing

I think in English it's a bit more casual, where it's said among relatives (umm :crazy: ) or good friends (among women mostly)

It's also uttered by drunk guys :cool:

It's the same in Spanish. I wouldn't say "I love you" to a family member or even a best friend. I'd say something akin to "I appreciate you," "I cherish you," "I like you," or the usual "you're totally awersome." Saying "I love you" - unless you're just hitting on every girl in the room - is something quite serious.

In English, I say "I love you" even to the family cat and dog. I always make sure to say it to family and loved ones (and mean it) so that if anything were to ever happen to me, those would be the words I'd be remembered saying last :beatnik:

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