Danielj Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 His shoulder is damp with blood His feet soaked from the snow There's a fire to warm him up just 2 miles away But the fire in his heart is down to coals already And he's a peacekeeper with the safety off. He's a little mouse in a cobra's cage. He's a small light in a sea of white. Forced to be a martyr but he'll put up a fight He's got a .22 in his pocket holster A Swiss Army shoved down his boot His best friend is hangin from his shoulder He's got his M16 locked and ready to shoot And he's a peacekeeper with the safety off. He's a little mouse in a cobra's cage. He's a small light in a sea of white Forced to be a martyr but he'll put up a fight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted March 4, 2007 Report Share Posted March 4, 2007 Ah! I love it! Need I say any more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted March 4, 2007 Report Share Posted March 4, 2007 Your words set the scene perfectly....good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted March 5, 2007 Report Share Posted March 5, 2007 Excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 Agreed , Daniel - very good ! I would offer a few suggestions , though , if I may : The .22 : Seems a little low in caliber . Aren't front-line troops equipped with more firepower ? Or is that what they use ? The 'Swiss army shoved in his boot' : I assume you mean a combat knife , right ? I would suggest using ' a lethal ( or deadly , 12" ) blade ' or something like that instead . Most may think of the Swiss pocket-knife rather than a military dagger , I think . It also gives a ' tougher' image , IMO . As well , after the previous stanza , I would start the next with ' But he's a peacekeeper ... etc. ' rather than 'and' to set up an interesting contrast between how he appears but with what he is charged with doing - an oxymoron ? . Just some thoughts . I really like this ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 Daniel, it´s great to see your evolution... You know I´m your fan!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted March 7, 2007 Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 I like the compact quality to this Daniel. Excellent piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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