Levis Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 [From playonlyrics.com] Back in the day, one time Tonight Show host and hack musician Steve Allen used to read out lyrics from popular songs just to make fun of young musicians. That used to bug us. Taking lyrics out of context can be a distasteful and irrelevant exercise by the smug and untalented. After all, “The Doo Ron Ron†is a great song about nothing. But, sometimes lyrics are just so bad you just have to stop and ask the question “what were they on when they wrote that?†So here is PlayOnLyric’s look at 20 particularly banal, pretentious or weird lyrics. 20. John Mayer, “Something’s Missing†Friends. Check Money. Check Well-slept. Check Opposite sex. Check Guitar. Check Microphone. Check Messages waiting for me When I get home. Check How come everything I think I need Always comes with batteries? What do you think it means? We don’t know John, what does it really mean? You use a vibrator? 19. Black Eyed Peas, “My Humps†My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. Fergie: setting back feminism 50 years. And it isn’t even sexy in a trashy, slutty kinda way. 18. Bruce Springsteen, “Glory Days†He could throw that speed ball by you make you look like a fool The Boss is a great lyric writer and we feel bad for even bringing this up. But this song was about remembering high school and a baseball player. Perhaps he could blow a ‘fast ball’ past you, but a ‘speedball’ is something that John Belushi or Chris Farley would blow past you. 17. The Killers, “All These Things I've Done†I've got soul but I'm not a soldier. I've got soul but I'm not a soldier I've got soul but I'm not a soldier We got it the first time. People are slowly starting to realize that they sound interesting in a retro way but their lyrics are utter dross. 16. Wang Chung, “Everybody Have Fun†Everybody have fun tonight Everybody have fun tonight Everybody wang chung tonight “Rats, what rhymes with fun? Er…wait a moment. Wang Chung! That rhymes. Hurrah! That was lucky.†Yes there was some good music in the 1980s. And then there was Wang Chung. 15. Poison, “Unskinny Bop†Unskinny bop Just blows me away Unskinny bop, bop All night and day Unskinny bop, bop, bop, bop She just loves to play Unskinny bop, nothin' more to say. Making fun of 80s hair bands is too easy; it is like shooting fish in a barrel. But this steaming pile of rubbish has to win some award. Unskinny means fat, right? 14. Destiny's Child, “Bills, Bills, Bills†Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo' bills? Then maybe we can chill I don't think you do so you and me are through Before Beyonce et al were inventing words like Jelli and Bootilicous there were writing stuff like this. So, I can only be with you if I pay your bills? That would make you a…what exactly? 13. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl†This ******* is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S It’s a spelling bee from the blonde leader of No Doubt. The whole song led to debates about what exactly a hollaback girl was. But this line was just plain weird. 12. Alanis Morissette, “Ironic†A traffic jam when you're already late A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife I am sure she is sick of hearing about this. They are not bad lyrics, but the only ironic thing about any of the lyrics in this song is that they have nothing to do with irony. I think Sarah Vowell said it best – “Irony isn't a black fly in your chardonnay. Irony is naming your national airport after the president who fired all the air traffic controllers.†11. Avril Lavigne, “SK8tr Boi†He was a boy, she was a girl Can I make it any more obvious? Not really. Wow that’s two young Canadian singers in a row. Can Celine be far behind? 10. The Police, “Don’t Stand So Close To Me†He starts to shake and cough Just like the old man in That book by Nabakov Sting just reminding you that he reads. Pretentious? Moi? 9. Billy Idol, “Flesh for Fantasy†Face to face And back to back You see and feel My sex attack My sex attack? Where’s the romance? 8. Kanye West “Jesus Walks†I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers, The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that's the way y’all need Jesus. Sometimes it works so well for Kanye. And then there’s this time. 7. Emerson, Lake and Palmer “Taste Of My Love†You need love, I need love, here it comes , the taste of my love. I'm gonna love you like nobody ever loved you climb on my rocket and we'll fly. Over the moon past the sun till we find the gates of heaven open wide for lovers I'm gonna love you like nobody ever loved you climb on my rocket and we'll fly. It is pretty easy to find a lot of pretentious twaddle put out by 1970s prog rockers. But this has to take the cake. Rumour has it that ELP put out a deliberately cheesy album after being made to fulfill a record contract. This would be very cheesy though. 6. Prism, “Starship Superstar†I'm a spaceship superstar I've got a solar-powered laser beam guitar (he's a spaceship superstar) I'm at the top of all the charts on Mars Laser beam guitar?? If this is life on Mars I don’t want to go. 5. David Hasselhoff “Is Everybody Happy†If you’re surrounded by clouds of thunder Don’t let it get ya and pull-pull you under You gotta fight it and learn your lesson Or you will end up in deep deep depression Whatever the hang up We’re getting a gang up And we are gonna have us some fun Oh God. Where’s that bucket? 4. America, “A Horse With No Name†On the first part of the journey I was looking at all the life There were plants and birds and rocks and things Things? What, after three lines of the song the lyrical well ran dry? 3. Billy Ray Cyrus, Achy Breaky Heart And if you tell my heart, My achy breaky heart, He might blow up and kill this man. Country music is often a well of heartfelt, clever and poignant lyrics. Then there is Billy Ray – king of the mullet and writer of this beauty. 2. Captain and Tennille, “Muskrat Love†Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land And they shimmy And Sammy's so skinny And they didn’t wing this. They actually wrote it down. With a straight face. 1. Richard Harris/Donna Summer, “MacArthur Park†Someone left the cake out in the rain I don't think I could take it, `cause it took so long to bake it And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no! The most famous of all bad lyrics. Whether it was Richard Harris belting it out in the original four hour version or Donna Summer doing the disco version the whole song is just priceless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 4. America, “A Horse With No Name†On the first part of the journey I was looking at all the life There were plants and birds and rocks and things I love this one. I always crank up the volume when this song comes on just to hear that line. I quite like the song, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daslied Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else. I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else. Yeah, you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself. I love George Thorogood, but this line usually gets to me whenever I hear it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Wow, they did suck! I have just two (2) comments... Number One: they shouldn't have laid it on the Captain & Tenille for writing "Muskrat Love" - the two for marrying each other, maybe; the Captain for wearing that god-awful hat, probably; both of them for recording ANY music at all, most definitely - but that "song" was a remake, written by some old hillbilly guy. They should have dragged HIS cursed, obscure name through the mud, not the poor Captain. And Number Two: I kinda like the lyrics to #5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Unskinny Bop...now those are deep lyrics... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 14. Destiny's Child, “Bills, Bills, Bills†Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo' bills? Then maybe we can chill I don't think you do so you and me are through Before Beyonce et al were inventing words like Jelli and Bootilicous there were writing stuff like this. So, I can only be with you if I pay your bills? That would make you a…what exactly? Sure, some of Destiny's Child's stuff is a tad banal, and I can't believe I'm going to defend this song, but I would be remiss if I didn't. This song is about a guy who is mooching off of a girl. He uses all the gas in her car, borrows money without paying it back, runs up her cell phone bill with no intention of paying it back, etc. She is simply saying if he can't be an equal partner in the relationship, he's got to go. The chorus was taken out of context. Go ahead and make fun of me. See if I care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Funny, funny....but what about the lyrics to "I'm Too Sexy?" They're craptastic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 This song is about a guy who is mooching off of a girl. He uses all the gas in her car, borrows money without paying it back, runs up her cell phone bill with no intention of paying it back, etc. YEAH, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, WOMAN? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt... You're absolutely right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your b*tch *ss back in the kitchen and make me some pie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 YEAH, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, WOMAN? Oh, Lordy, I'm sorry about that Ike. Please don't smack me around again. I'm still sporting a huge bruise from last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Oh, Lordy, I'm sorry about that Ike. Please don't smack me around again. I'm still sporting a huge bruise from last night. It's best you mind your manners, Anna Mae. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Yes, sir. Anything you say, Ike. Can I fetch you some more Mad Dog and Newports? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 "Go fix me a turkey pot pie!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daslied Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Let's get back to the real issue here, which is that Peaches defended Destiny's Child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 And? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daslied Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Any group that "writes" a lyric like "I don't think you're ready for this jelly" should never be defended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 See, if you were really ready for the jelly, you wouldn't question the wisdom behind the lyric. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daslied Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Peaches, you're right. They're far too bootylicious for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 Any group that "writes" a lyric like "I don't think you're ready for this jelly" should never be defended. They should never be quoted either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daslied Posted February 23, 2007 Report Share Posted February 23, 2007 What did you just do, then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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