Rayzor Posted May 24, 2007 Report Share Posted May 24, 2007 I've done the marbles trick... not one made it to the front though. So I got no points Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 *NEW WORDS FOR 2007 ** **:* * Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)* (Now why didn't we have these words when I was still working?) 1. *BLAMESTORMING ** *Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2. *SEAGULL MANAGER : *A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. 3. *ASSMOSIS : *The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard 4. *SALMON DAY : *The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. 5. *CUBE FARM : *An office filled with cubicles. 6. *PRAIRIE DOGGING : *When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. 7. *MOUSE POTATO : *The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. 8. *SITCOMs : *Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. 9. *STRESS PUPPY : *A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 10. *SWIPEOUT : *An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. 11. *XEROX SUBSIDY : *Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. 12. *IRRITAINMENT : *Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. 13. *PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : *The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. 14. *ADMINISPHERE : *The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 15. *404 : *Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located. 16. *GENERICA : *Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions. 17. *OHNOSECOND : *That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake). 18. *WOOFS : *Well-Off Older Folks. *19. _CROP DUSTING _: *Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 I'm a mouse potato Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 AND a Stress Puppy without the stress because I like the name and the whiny part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 I'm a mouse potato Aren't we all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 Well, yes... but I got to be it first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 Touche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 I've nearly perfected the fine art of Crop Dusting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 Somehow that doesn't surprise me, Sammy. I am a fan of percussive maintenance. My favorite scene in "Office Space" is where they take the printer out into a field and beat the crap out of it with baseball bats. I threaten to do that at least thrice a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foolonthehill Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 (edited) Edited June 8, 2007 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 1. *BLAMESTORMING ** *Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2. *SEAGULL MANAGER : *A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. 3. *ASSMOSIS : *The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard 8. *SITCOMs : *Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. 12. *IRRITAINMENT : *Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. 15. *404 : *Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could notbe located. I love these ones!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floydaholic Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Me - Did you ever hear of the magical farmer??. SF's - No. Me - He turned his tractor into a field. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN DAMNITOL Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. EMPTYNESTROGEN Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. ST. MOMMA'S WORT Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. PEPTOBIMBO Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception. DUMBEROL When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. FLIPITOR Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. MENICILLIN Potent ant i-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. " BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,duration, and credit limit of spending spree. JACKASSPIRIN Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat. ANTI-TALKSIDENT A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. NAGAMENT When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 I am on a heavy prescription of Damnitol as we speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 ANTI-TALKSIDENT A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. Gimmie some!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamisammy29 Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you", the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along" the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foolonthehill Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 HAHAHAHA Both of my parents are lawyers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarcM Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 I am surprised he gave them a ride instead of just directions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I love that joke, Sammy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foolonthehill Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I told it to my Dad and he liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 Actual Radio Conversation This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 That just about sums up our relationship ; an abusive husband who never listens but is unwilling to let us go completely ( a la Bill and Hillary ) . We should sue for divorce and try to get 1/2 of what they have - including the White House - though we did burn it down once ( 1814 : and that may be held against us in court ) ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I think I posed this question before in another thread: "Americans are smart?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 Hey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 I love making fun of my neighbors! Since they seem to have so much fun teasing us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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