Blue Fish Posted May 10, 2007 Report Share Posted May 10, 2007 the old ones never die..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted May 10, 2007 Report Share Posted May 10, 2007 I was down the Garden Centre this morning, when there was a hold-up. Yes: a hold-up. I nearly cacked my shreddies. I was there minding my own business, when I heard a nearby voice shout "Nobody move, this is a shrubbery!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted May 10, 2007 Report Share Posted May 10, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted May 10, 2007 Report Share Posted May 10, 2007 What? I don't get it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 A crusty old man dies and goes to hell. The devil meets him and says "You will spend eternity within one of these 3 rooms. Once you have chosen a room you will join the other souls forever!" The man asks if he can see what is inside each room before choosing. The devil nods and leads the way to door #1. He opens it and sees millions of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor. The man decides this seems too painful and would like to move on to the next door. The 2nd room contains millions of people standing on their heads on bare concrete. The man says that this is worse and would like to see the final room before deciding. The 3rd room contains millions of people standing knee-deep in pig dung and drinking coffee. "This doesn't seem so bad. I choose this room." the man says. "Are you sure?" The devil asks. "Absolutely." The man replies. The devil lets the man enter and as he closes the door he yells "OK people! Coffee break is over!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 jeez, rayzor, I remember us telling this one in the school-yard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 yeah... but I love the classics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnyguitar Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 An old Italian man is sad because he wants to plant his tomatoes in the yard but it is baked hard by the sun and he is too old and frail to work the soil. He writes to his only son, Luigi, who is a mafioso hit man in gaol for a long stretch. 'Dear Son, Life is hard here without your young strong arms to help me. I want to plant my tomatoes but I'm not fit enough to dig the yard. I don't know what I will do. Perhaps I will ask in the village for some help.' Two days later he got a reply. 'Dear Dad, Whatever you do, don't dig in the yard, that's where I buried the bodies. Your Everloving Son Luigi The next day the police arrived and dug up the whole yard and garden. Finding nothing they apologised to the old man and left. The next day he got another letter from his son. 'Plant your tomatoes now Dad, that was the best I could do from in here. Love Luigi' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted May 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatrickRsGhost Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 A man walked into the bar. It hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatrickRsGhost Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad. The brunette is brought out first. As the commanding officer is giving the command to his squad, "READY....AIM..." the brunette takes her chance and yells "Earthquake!" The C.O. and squad get down on the ground, giving the brunette time to escape. After seeing what happened, they decide to bring out the redhead. Once again, the C.O. yells "READY....AIM..." at which the redhead yells "tornado!" The squad runs back into the fort to get down in the lower levels. When they emerge some time later, they see the redhead is long gone. Not giving up hope, they bring out the blonde. Again, the squad is given the command "READY...AIM..." The blonde, learning from the other two, at that point yelled "FIRE!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted May 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Fish Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnyguitar Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned. Sorry? What happened to them then? Is it just me? I don't get this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLizard Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Red and blue make maroon. Terrible pun, but I still laughed at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 I love the joke about the Italian man!! And the one about the bar!! I´ll e.mail them to my mom... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farin Posted May 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Red and blue make maroon. Terrible pun, but I still laughed at it. doesn't Red and Blue make Purple? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnyguitar Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Did you hear about the suicidal ice-cream salesman? He covered his head with chocolate sauce and then sprinkled ground almonds into his hair....yes, he topped himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Joe Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Brown + red = maroon. Blue + Fish = Bloof Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Red and blue make maroon. Terrible pun, but I still laughed at it. Red and blue make purple, last I checked It's a good joke, though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Oh... there was another page.... that I missed.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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