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Comedic Songs


PSYCHOcatholic

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Or alternatively, by the Goodies:

Come on everybody

It's gibbon time

We're the Goodies

How do you do?

We've just been down to the zoo

We saw a monkey in a cage

Doing a dance

That could be the rage

It's not hard

So let's all do the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, ooo

Do, do, do the funky gibbon

(The funky gibbon)

We are here to show you how

Ooo, ooo, ooo

Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

He's just like you

So come on and do

The funky gibbon now

Dogs are always howlin'

Cats are always yowlin'

But gibbons only

Like to sing and dance

Oop, oop, sh boop

You'll be like that monkey

Get a little funky

And in a while

Start to smile

Gibbon half a chance

Do, do, do the funky gibbon

(The funky gibbon)

We are here to show you how

Ooo, ooo, ooo

Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

(The funky gibbon)

He's just like you

So come on and do

The funky gibbon now

Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon

Gee, the world would be good

I ?????

Me, with just a little gibbon tea

Sha, la, la

We slap that gibbon

Oh, feel the rhythm

And you'll groove

And dance up to the planet of apes

Do, do, do the funky gibbon

We are here to show you how

Ooo, ooo, ooo

Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

(The funky gibbon)

He's just like you

So come on and do

The funky gibbon now

Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon

Now everybody get ready

To do the funky gibbon

Drop one arms down by your knees

And the other arm

Reach up to the trees

Let your wrist go limp

Like a bent baboon

Get ready to sing

This gibbon's tune

Will you give me an ooo

(Ooo)

Will you give me another ooo

(Ooo)

And will you give me an ooo

(Ooo)

Now put 'em together

What've you got

(Ooo, ooo, ooo)

Do, do, do the funky gibbon

We are here to show you how

Ooo, ooo, ooo

Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

(The funky gibbon)

He's just like you

So come on and do

The funky gibbon now

Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon

He promised to buy me

A bunch of blue gibbons

To tie up my bonny brown

Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon

The funky gibbon

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Or alternatively (but with a serious side, as are most of Mr Dury's compositions):

Poo Poo in the Prawn:

I took a sudden notion

To go down to the ocean

I'd got my sun-tan lotion

My flippers and my mask

In proper distribution

Of fully-formed ablutions

Formed an ocean of pollution

In which I daredn't bask

Some turds were teeny-tiny

And some were big and shiny

But they all fucked up the briney

In which I dipped my toe

If you go swimming in the shite-us

You'll get worse than dermititis

From the sea of grey detritus

Where the sewage ebbs and flows

There's no respite

From the cess-pit

No shelter from the pong

The poor old ocean

Is full of motions

Where the hell did we go wrong?

Like a lamb off to the slaughter

Pored myself a glass of water

I failed to spot I'd caught a

Little creature in my cup

I was well and truly bolleaux-ed

From the fires of hell that followed

Twas the cup of life I'd swallowed

And it almost did me up

Something coming

Through the plumbing

That should not be there at all

The glass is brimming

And things are swimming

And quite frankly, I'm appalled

I was a very hungry fella

I defrosted my paella

Came down with Salmonella

Three weeks intensive care

They failed to send technicians in

To check the air-conditioning

Which was unfortunately transmissioning

A case of Legionnaires

There's a malaise

In the mayonnaise

There's a poo-poo in the prawn

Where we missed them

In the system

Little germs are being born

There's no respite

From the cess-pit

There's no shelter from the pong

Where the hell did we go wrong?

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  • 1 month later...

"Hymns" don't come much funnier than this....

As I was walking down the street one day

I saw a house on fire

There was a man shouting and screaming at an upper-storey window

To the crowd that was gathered there below

For he was saw afraid

"Jump, you f*****, jump! Jump into this here blanket what we are holding

And you will be alright"

He jumped, hit the deck

Broke his ******* neck.

There was no blanket.

Laugh? We nearly shat.

We had not laughed so much since grandma died,

Or Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle.

For we are miserable sinners

Filthy f*****s

Aaaaaaaaah Souls.

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Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah-Allan Sherman

"Hello Muddah, hello Faddah.

Here I am at Camp Grenada.

Camp is very entertaining.

And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

I went hiking with Joe Spivy.

He developed poison ivy.

You remember Lynnard Skinner.

He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors hate the waiters,

And the lake has alligators.

And the head coach wants no sissies,

So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Now I don't want this to scare ya,

But my bunk-mate has malaria.

You remember Jeffrey Hardy,

They're about to organize a searching party.

Take me home, oh Muddah, Faddah.

Take me home. I hate Grenada.

Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear.

Take me home. I promise I will not make noise,

Or mess the house with other boys,

Oh please don't make me stay.

I've been here one whole day!

Dearest Faddah, darling Muddah.

How's my precious little bruddah?

Let me come home if you miss me.

I will even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing.

Guys are swimming. Guys are sailing.

Playing baseball. Gee, that's better.

Muddah, Faddah, kindly disregard this letter."

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