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Comedic Songs

PSYCHOcatholic

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PSYCHOcatholic seahorse

PSYCHOcatholic

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Songs That You Think are Funny whether they be parodies or not.

A Toby Keith song that i just think is hilarious is Runnin Block

My buddy said his girlfriend is as pretty as can be

He said help a brother out tonight and come double date with me

She's gotta a baby sister and they're headed into town

They're lookin' for a good time

They're fun to be around

I said what do she look like?

He scratched his head and stated

"She was a home comin' football queen before she graduated.

We'll wine and dine and do 'em fine

and really double date 'em

Then take 'em back to the motel six and

Try to seperate 'em.

They showed up in a pick up

They were right on time

His was kinda heafty

But not half as big as mine

I'm runnin' block

Turn the lights down low

Runnin' block

Don't want know one to know

That I tried to drink her skinny but she's still about 215

Sometimes you got to bow up

And take one for the team

She cleaned her plate at dinner

Then she ate what's left of mine

Then she wolfed down a big cheesecake as I drank all the wine

She strolled out to the padio for an after dinner cig

I said "Bro you done 'er this time and gonna owe me big

You know why?

'Cuz my brother's havin' a party

Thought you outta know

He's got coeds swimmin naked

The reason i can't go

is

repeat chorus

They dont have to be your faves, just songs you think are funny!

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blind-fitter octopus

blind-fitter

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I find Lee Marvin's "Wand'rin' Star" wildly amusing.

I don't think I'm supposed to, but I can't help myself. The backing vocals, in particular, make me chortle helplessly. The lyric is good, too.

I've never seen the film "Paint Your Wagon" from which the performance originates, (so I believe): listening to this conjures up images I'd like to keep.

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Farin land shark

Farin

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Every Sperm is sacred ~ Monty Python

DAD:

There are Jews in the world.

There are Buddhists.

There are Hindus and Mormons, and then

There are those that follow Mohammed, but

I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,

And have been since before I was born,

And the one thing they say about Catholics is:

They'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six-footer.

You don't have to have a great brain.

You don't have to have any clothes on. You're

A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

GIRL:

Let the heathen spill theirs

On the dusty ground.

God shall make them pay for

Each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is wanted.

Every sperm is good.

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood.

MUM:

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,

Spill theirs just anywhere,

But God loves those who treat their

Semen with more care.

MEN:

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

WOMEN:

If a sperm is wasted,...

CHILDREN:

...God get quite irate.

PRIEST:

Every sperm is sacred.

BRIDE and GROOM:

Every sperm is good.

NANNIES:

Every sperm is needed...

CARDINALS:

...In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is useful.

Every sperm is fine.

FUNERAL CORTEGE:

God needs everybody's.

MOURNER #1:

Mine!

MOURNER #2:

And mine!

CORPSE:

And mine!

NUN:

Let the Pagan spill theirs

O'er mountain, hill, and plain.

HOLY STATUES:

God shall strike them down for

Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is good.

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite iraaaaaate!

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TheTallOne lobster

TheTallOne

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Stephen Lynch has a sick, demented mind but makes wildly funny music.

A**hole by Denis Leary also comes to mind.

Monty Python has too many to name:

Accountancy Shanty

Eric the Half A Bee

The Camelot Song

The Tale of Sir Robin

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

The Lumberjack Song

The Money Song

I'm So Worried

I Like Chinese

The Galaxy Song

The Bruces Philosepher SOng

The Spam Song

I Bet You They Won't Play This Song On the Radio

All Things Dull and Ugly

Other favorites:

Springtime for Hitler

No Sex In The Champange Room

Ice Ice Baby

U Can't Touch This (or all MC Hammer, for that matter)

ANd Goldie Lookin Chain is sweet, and the song "Self Suicide" is hilarious, as well are most of theirs.

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bluesboy octopus

bluesboy

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A variety of country artists have recorded this song -

Put Another Log on the Fire

Put another log on the fire.

Cook me up some bacon and some beans.

And go out to the car and change the tire.

Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe

And then go fetch my slippers.

And boil me up another pot of tea.

Then put another log on the fire babe,

And come & tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday?

And don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?

Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday?

Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.

And ain't I always nice to your kid sister?

Don't I take her driving every night?

So, sit here at my feet cause I like you when you're sweet,

And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So, put another log on the fire.

Cook me up some bacon and some beans.

And go out to the car and change the tire.

Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe

And then go fetch my slippers.

And boil me up another pot of tea.

Then put another log on the fire babe,

And come & tell me why you're leaving me.

:jester:

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blind-fitter octopus

blind-fitter

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One of the funniest songs ever must be "Put The Bone In" by Terry Jacks. (It was the B-side of his other comedy classic "Seasons In The Sun").

Not familiar? It opens with:

"Put the bone in", she asked him at the store,

"For my doggy's been hit by a car.

And I do want to take him home something.

Put the bone in", she begged him once more....

The meat from the pork is sweet.

Give the bone from the pork-meat to me...." And so on.

Great stuff!

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bluesboy octopus

bluesboy

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Here's a double-entendre song from -

Julia Lee & Her Boyfriends

it's called

The Spinach Song

Spinach has vitamins A, B & D

But spinach never appealed to me

But one day while having dinner with a guy

I decided to give it a try

I didn't like it the first time

It was so new to me

I didn't like it the first time

I was so young you see

I used to run away from the stuff

But now somehow, I can't get enough

I didn't like it the first time

Oh how it grew on me

I didn't like it the first time

I had it on a date

Although the first was the worst time

Right now I think it's great

Somehow it's always hittin' the spot

Especially when they bring it in hot

I didn't like it the first time

But oh how it grew on me

[instrumental break]

I didn't like it the first time

I thought it was so strange

I wasn't gettin' much younger

So I just made the change

No longer is the stuff on the shelf

Cause now I make a pig of myself

I didn't like it the first time

But oh how it grew on me

[instrumental break]

I didn't like it the first time

When I was just sixteen

I didn't like it the first time

Guess I was mighty green

But I've stocked up, cause I've gotten wise

I've got enough for two dozen guys

I didn't like it the first time

But oh how it grew on me

I didn't like it the first time

But oh how it grew on me

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Shawna land shark

Shawna

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This is my favorite of all Christmas songs. :grin:

(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland"

Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear

Lacy things the wife is missin'

Didn't ask her permission

I'm wearin' her clothes

Her silk pantyhose

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear

In the store there's a teddy

Little straps like spaghetti

It holds me so tight

Like handcuffs at night

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,

He pretends that I am Murphy Brown

He'll say, "How's tonight?" I'll say, "Whoa Man!"

"Let's wait until our wives are out of town."

Later on, if you wanna

We can dress like Madonna

Put on some eyeshade

And join the parade

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear

Lacy things... missin'

Didn't ask... permission

Wearin' her clothes

Her silk pantyhose

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear

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Danielj sea turtle

Danielj

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Ultimate Comedy Song

-Carrot Juice Is Murder - Arrogant Worms

Listen up, brothers and sisters

Come hear my desperate tale

I speak of our friends of nature

Trapped in the dirt like a jail

/ G D Em / C D G / :

Vegetables live in oppression

Served on our tables each night

This killing of veggies is madness

I say we take up the fight

Salads are only for murderers

Cole slaw's a fascist regime

Don't think that they don't have feelings

Just 'cause a radish can't scream

/ D - G / / / C - D /

{Refrain}

I've heard the screams of the vegetables, scream scream scream

Watching their skins being peeled, having their insides revealed

Grated and steamed with no mercy, burning off calories

How do you think that feels, bet it hurts really bad

Carrot juice constitutes murder, and that's a real crime

Greenhouses prisons for slaves, let my vegetables grow

It's time to stop all this gardening, it's dirty as hell

Let's call a spade a spade, it's a spade it's a spade it's a spade

/ G D Em - / C G D - / 1st / C D G - / :

I saw a man eating celery

So I beat him black and blue

If he ever touches a sprout again

I'll bite him clean in two

I'm a political prisoner

Trapped in a windowless cage

'Cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips

By killing five men in a rage

I told the judge when he sentenced me

"This is my finest hour

I'll kill those farmers again

Just to save one more cauliflower"

{Refrain}

How low as people do we dare to stoop

Making young broccolis bleed in the soup

Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes

Set potted plants free, don't mash that potato, ah

/ Am - Em - / C - G - / 1st / C - D - /

I've heard the screams of the vegetables scream scream scream

Watching their skins being peeled fates in the stir fry are sealed

Grated and steamed with no mercy you fat gourmet scum

How do you think that feels leave them out in the fields

Carrot juice constitutes murder V8's genocide

Greenhouses prisons for slaves yes your compost's a grave

It's time to stop all this gardening take up macramé

Let's call a spade a spade it's a spade it's a spade it's a spade

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blind-fitter octopus

blind-fitter

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-Carrot Juice Is Murder - Arrogant Worms

Listen up, brothers and sisters

Come hear my desperate tale

I speak of our friends of nature

Trapped in the dirt like a jail

Vegetables live in oppression

Served on our tables each night

This killing of veggies is madness

I say we take up the fight...

All we are saying is "Give Peas A Chance".

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blind-fitter octopus

blind-fitter

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ERNIE (THE FASTEST MILKMAN IN THE WEST)

Benny Hill - 1971

You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,

And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.

And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,

His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,

She lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22.

They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,

But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.

They called him Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"

And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.

He said, "D'you want it pasturize? 'Cause pasturize is best,"

She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."

That tickled old Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,

Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van.

He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,

And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.

She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, "If you treat me right,

You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night."

He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way,

And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.

Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door,

It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four.

And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course,

And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.

Whose name was Trigger, (Triggerrrrrrrr)

And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand,

He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man."

"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied,

"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side."

Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun,

They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.

But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned,

And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.

Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart,

And Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.

And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,

Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.

Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,

And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky.

Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,

And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.

But a woman's needs are many-fold and Sue: she married Ted,

But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.

Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate?

Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?

They won't forget Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeee)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

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