marko90 Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 hey guys, its been a while eh! well I have been writing still, and will continue to do so, I was wondering if yous could comment on my new one please? BURNING COLD By day break, I promise I won’t be fake I take my stand, so take my life with my own hands So drink tonight your glass of wine, Cause tomorrow is my time to shine With my eyes closed, burning cold, This is the way the mat unrolled Slow motion as I fall, movement to a crawl, I could hear your life come to a stall As I took those pills with that rum, Yes, I thought of you, and felt like scum, But it was too late to go back, I had taken too much flack With my Eyes burning cold, This isn’t how it was to unfold I really did love you, with all my heart, One chance, one dance, to go back to the start When I met you, you were the new girl With a connection, we I give it a whirl The world always talked down to me, But you seen me for who I could be, Now with eyes burning so cold, It wasn’t the way it was to go, With my eyes burning cold, I turn to regret, as I burn cold Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 Hey, Marko - long time , you hoser ! The theme is clear and well addressed , but trying too much rhyme seems to undermine the impact . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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