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"Dr." Phil's scream therapy


phil

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I know all us Songfactors encounter the daily stress of life. If you want to get it all out, you can substitute my name and let it all go. This is my gift to you all. I will begin.

I wish you Phils would be quiet and clean up your room like I told you an hour ago. I can't wait till school starts again. This is the last @#$%%time I say it. AHHHH. I feel better.

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Oh phil this is wonderful...may I?

Phil, I realize it's 100 degrees outside, and that the garage is even hotter. I appreciate the fact that you offered to fix my car, even though you work ten hours a day. I can't say this to your face so....

Phil!! If you don't fix the %$#@*& car already, I'm gonna lose my freakin mind!!

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Phil, I've taken time off from work with the sole purpose of cleaning the house that we both live in. The least you can do is take out the *&^%ing garbage. If you don't do it soon, I swear I will bust your head open until the white meat shows.

Oh, Phil, I love you so much that I can't be mad at you for long. I know you work long hours and the last thing you need is for me to harass you the second you walk in the door. Come and give mama some sugar, baby. The *&^%ing garbage can wait.

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Thanks, Phil... you´re very kind... as soon as I have some problem I promise to call you all those nice typos... :)

Now, some four hours later I do have a problem, my car is kaputt for at least 20 days... :puppyeyes:

...but I won´t call you anything, Phil... that´s minor trouble anyways... :) In any case, thanks for your offer! :bow:

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phil. honey. must you spoil my fun?! if you want to go camp at a music festival, camp at a music festival. if you don't like camping, don't do it! if you're only idea of a trip away is a four or five star hotel, fine, suit yourself. i want to go to a music festival with all my friends and family and have a weekend of fun and games. i am looking forward to watching the bands, camping, meeting new people, staying up late, having a few cans at the tent, playing music, having a few uncomfortable nights' sleep, getting sunburned/muddy/locked/wrecked, all the stupidly fun stuff that comes with a music festival. i do not want to arrive in the car just before the first band, stay in a bed and breakfast and go home after the last band on sunday night. i'm not a &*%&ing celebrity!

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Phil, you are smart and you have a garage full of tools that you know how to work and I don't. Why oh why do you need to wake me up in the middle of the night because our child is coughing and you need help giving her cough syrup? How hard is it to fill a dropper, put it in the kid's mouth and squeeze?

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I don´t think it´s Phil´s fault but my husband had to go to work on a Sunday after we planned a wonderful day together and now we´ll just have a wonderful evening... }:( }:( }:(

Phil, you don´t have nothing to do with it, right?? :shades:

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*picture phil sitting on the couch doing nothing...saying nothing*

...i walk into the room

"MY GOD PHIL!! JUST SHUTUP!!! WHAT YOUR JUST GONNA SIT THERE ON YOUR @SS AND LET ME DO ALL THE FREAKIN WORK HUH? I BUST MY BUTT IN THIS FREAKIN HOUSE>>>I HANDOUT MONEY LIKE ITS FREAKIN CANDY....MONEY I DONT FREAKIN HAVE!!! DO YOU HANDOUT MONEY!! NO!!!!!! YA KNOW WHY???? CAUSE YOU JUST SIT THERE!!! YOU SAY NOTHING....SHUTUP!!

YOU DO NOTHING!!! YOUR LIKE A DRY TURD ON MY BACK LAWN! JUST SITTING THERE!!! STINKIN UP THE PLACE!!

BLAH FARFEGNOOGAN!!! KELLY CLARKSON!!

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Phil, I know that you have been busy lately and you are a little stressed, but could you please acknowledge the fact that my oil needs changing in my car. I have been telling you for 2 weeks that my oil light has been coming on and you still haven't gotten the oil changed. I could take it to the Jiffy Lube and have them change it for me, but NO, you have to be frugal and change it yourself. So when the engine blows up, don't blame me. I warned you.

Oh and Phil, when you're changing the oil, will you also check my tire pressure. That light is on too.

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Phil, have you noticed the bulk of complaints from female Songfactors involve spouses not fixing their cars fast enough? I tell you, Phil. They are lucky to have partners that can fix things at all. I personally can't tell a radiator from my Philhole.

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