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sesstina - the young dancers


Evelyn
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this is a form of formal poetry, with the words at the end repeated throughout the seven stanza, and it sometimes seems like it's rhyming. i'd love feedback.

He asks her to dance.

She can’t refuse and she stares at the hem of her dress

As he thinks about her and how she looks.

She scans her friends enjoying their time.

His head doesn’t have control over his feet,

As he leads her to the dirt floor.

She’s daydreaming as her ivory skirts sweeps the floor.

He is entranced as they dance.

She’s avoiding his glance as he steps on her feet.

He pulls her closer as they swirl and out fans her dress.

She wants to speed up time,

As he glances at his friends for encouraging looks.

He wishes she would understand what is behind his looks.

She wants to melt into the floor

He wills the slowing of time

Slowly she notices others begin to dance.

He holds the soft waist of her mother of pearl-colored dress.

She misses a step and wants to have bare feet.

He hopes that the music is going the same tempo as his feet.

The way he turns to her makes her want to meet his look.

He sees the way she twirls her cream-colored dress.

She stops looking at the floor.

He realizes that she has begun to dance,

And they both will the slowing of time.

He suddenly grasps that their time

Together is coming to a close, and the heels of her feet

Touch the floor, and they stop their dance.

This time, she is the one who looks,

And she wants to be kicking up dust on the floor.

He looks and realizes their dances has stopped fanning out her dress.

As they walk back to the crowd her dress

Swings back and forth, but nothing compare to when they kept time,

Doing their dance on the dirt floor,

With the tempo in time with their feet.

The crowd had looked;

As they spun by, together in their dance.

He watches as she walks the swinging of her dress, and they both drag their feet,

They enjoyed their time, and she misses his looks.

He stares longingly at the floor, and asks another girl to dance.

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I like this a lot, Evelyn. The imagery is great. Your knowledge of grammar and language is above average, as is your sensitivity to a created scene. All important tools for a writer.

This put me in mind of one of my poems posted here titled, "Thanks For The Dance." Give it a read and see how our minds touched on similar images of this shared ocassion.

I look forward to reading more interpretations from your imaginative soul, Evelyn.

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He hopes that the music is going the same tempo as his feet.

Perfect.

Your poem is thoroughly enjoyable. It really speaks to the insecurities that both feel, the fear of rejection, and then the ultimate mutual respect. You have a knack for "showing" rather than "telling," and that is a wonderful gift.

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